The feeeling

Have done something I know I am regretting.  It came with a situation I was not in favor of.  Not what I should have done but did.  Made eruptions of unfit emotions for the night.

I don't want pressure. It makes me think of things I shouldn't.  I don't like the pain. the depression. maybe I shouldn't be left alone. I might not make it tomorrow.  Or its not I shouldn't be left alone.  The first time it happened, I was in front of someone -- my mother.  Triggered by her, I know I'm not right.  But shouldn't I deserve something like understanding.  I know I'm not good with resorting to the right thing like solving the problem.  But I can't help it when my mind screams I wanna be out of there.

Maybe tomorrow I won't be here. Maybe the following day, month, year. Only God knows.