happy but not happy?

I am happy, but I'm not supposed to be happy.  Things at present are not supposed to mean happy.  I might feel elated at times.  The connection again is open, much more than just open -- its active.  Advices deemed not to go back, my heart will soon compromise again.  But my mind does the autopilot, how would I know again to control me. 

Life's like yesterday again.  The last chance is sought, but this last chance was already given -- from the last time it was sought that's not today.  The heart still see that old future.  The heart tries to inculcate it to the mind.  But mind may know much better -- the knowledge of reality.  Reality where no happy ending exists, not when you know where to end it.


I may be happy.  But not completely happy.  I stand at one side of the frame, waiting for one that will complete the other side.  One that may fit well, not just for the feeling and convenience.  Most especially not the one who thinks do fit well.


===============================
Someone asked me for coffee. I would love to say yes.  I'm dying to just sit outside and babble for hours.  But ooppss, can we do it when I have time.  And it will be in the near soon. :)

Toxic weekdays, busy schedules, late sleep time, short hours of sleep, have to wake up early, autopilot morning... I'm being stuffed by this.  Good thing it'll be off in two weeks, then another new battle to the outside world begins  -- OJT.  And in the midst of all those, I still get to blog this! haha.

I'm getting impatient with some groupmates on a major subject.  Yeah you have other stuff to work on with but let me remind you, we need a polished and good presentation to get the better grade you guys need.  As for me, I can pass with just the attendance grade this finals.  I blew it on her face but in just a better way, I'm not that mean.

Will assign the hard computation to another member whose not really participating and just presenting himself to do the printing of the paper.  Heller, can I just tell the prof to just print your grade in the paper.  Doing lousy excuses to escape from the workload.  Too bad you really look up to me and I can see that.  But bit by bit you're starting to get on my nerves. You'll know the verdict this friday, I'll send the data for the computation.  Ooohhh I'll wait for a post in the FB newsfeed 'bout it.

So much for this week.  Seen students who are supposed to learn but taking those for granted then regret in the finals that they should have done better in the prelims.  Anyways, its their life to mold not mine, why bother. 



=============
off to a company visit. hope will be a success. keen eyes and ears are needed to see the flaws and make room for improvement.  Quality assurance can sometimes be a burden.

1 down 3 to go!

1 down! -- although partially. -.-  still needs to edit the powerpoint presentation with the professor's revision and comments plus the fact that we still need to go to the company's office for pictures. But finally the final defense are officially complete but yes there are still 3 requirement papers to struggle.  I wish mid october is here, so I will have the school break. I want to enjoy the simple things I am leaving behind because of school.  Wanna unwind before the next semester starts, which would definitely be more gruesome than at present.








=============
i'm just on lunch break but no class til 230pm. will have a short nap. zzzzzz

I smile with tax

I'm blewing off my Taxation subject.  I know with my self I'm definitely learning but why I'm getting those grades, why are we getting those grades?? Panira ng classcard! Although gleam of hope flashed in front of me after I've talked with my professor.  Just a small chitchat and we told him we're second coursers and I definitely want to pass this subject.  He said that he do observes that I specifically know what he is teaching the class.  For the every questions he asks me I manage to get on the right track of answers if I'm not hitting the real answers and definitely I can follow what he is talking about.  Then he asked what happened, why with some failing exams.  The theories may be easy perceiving in our seats to the blackboard he teaches us but application distracts your mind and the lessons are now unsure.  The topics are really hard to put in to situations.  Moreover, his exercises and quizzes given may sometimes be different from the examples he gave with the topics he taught.  It was difficult for us to inculcate on our minds the right rules and regulations for every type of taxpayers and the kind of VAT a person must pay if its mixed with different or even out of this world situations!!  

My aunt told me before, I could earn salaries for just computing taxes in the US. But duh! If it'll be like this grueling topics and application of those are totally hard, one mistake with the idea or ruling, every computation you made won't even matter. Anyways, I do enjoy learning the principles of taxation, I think I just need time to inculcate every detail of it on my mind and I might say, 'viola!' I know it by heart. haha. I wish! Its harder than accounting.  And now I just wonder, how would my present classmates in accounting who are having way below failing grades cope with taxation when they enroll it in their future semesters.  I could just say, goodluck and ready your mind and money?(you might take it not just once.)

My professor did assure me I can pass if I'll just improve my exam scores and if he sees the class standing is quite improving, though still failing, he could lower the mean passing score from 60 to 55.  Then many would probably pass. I just hope I would improve if not excel in this final term.  I just don't want a failing grade in my records.  I couldn't accept it. :(  Gotta memorize all the principles with those damn VAT related everything!

If I pass I will definitely celebrate!!!

So help me God. :)

====================

its late, midnight.  Hope my returnee friend gets home safe from a farm hehe.

Goodnyt my blog :) enjoyed writing this. :) mwah!

My baby will be having her birthday next month!

It'll be special. She's turning SEVEN! 

Dulce :)

Eaten

My heart softens, my mind exempts

Little I let you in again,

I had been a friend in deed -- yet again.

You showed signs of warmth,
showed the feeling of the old us.

Slowly the resistance flew out of sight,

but still there is something not right.

Perhaps, its just both of us changed.

Part of me wants a new start,
part of me says new with 'not with you'.
But unconsciously its still 'with you',
It has always been. 
What should i do? what would i do?
Signs, please lay in front of me.

Caution, my brain shouts!
Just be you, heart consoles,
Am i being uncertain?
I just don't want to run in circles again.

I never knew what to expect tomorrow,
I just dream of my happy ending
Though I know in reality it does not exist
It will never exist,
But hey, let me just dream.

Sick and somber. Wanna be engulfed by my bed for good. Bad headache, body malaise, sore throat, nagging cough. Sounds like flu? Yeah. But definitely not swine.