happy but not happy?

I am happy, but I'm not supposed to be happy.  Things at present are not supposed to mean happy.  I might feel elated at times.  The connection again is open, much more than just open -- its active.  Advices deemed not to go back, my heart will soon compromise again.  But my mind does the autopilot, how would I know again to control me. 

Life's like yesterday again.  The last chance is sought, but this last chance was already given -- from the last time it was sought that's not today.  The heart still see that old future.  The heart tries to inculcate it to the mind.  But mind may know much better -- the knowledge of reality.  Reality where no happy ending exists, not when you know where to end it.


I may be happy.  But not completely happy.  I stand at one side of the frame, waiting for one that will complete the other side.  One that may fit well, not just for the feeling and convenience.  Most especially not the one who thinks do fit well.


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Someone asked me for coffee. I would love to say yes.  I'm dying to just sit outside and babble for hours.  But ooppss, can we do it when I have time.  And it will be in the near soon. :)