Birthday ko na bukas... pero parang wala lang.
Nakakadepress naman tsk.

Excited! We're going to make it!

I may have been busy these past few weeks.  Grumpy and hotheaded when i don't get things my way.  I may have been less sensitive with your needs.  I let you sleep first. I missed making you laugh when you had a bad day from work.  I took for granted the times you to have 'moments' with me. 

I may have forgotten our first (busy-ness lang baby). But I'm excited for our next. :) It'll be on the day after tom. Yey!
Advance happy 2nd baby! Iloveu bigtime!
Tandaan mo yan hehe.

P.S.: Take care of Jerri, baby. I'll gonna miss him :(

Hopefully not one of my last pics with Jerri.

I'm sad. :'( i feel like crying. Not just with this hair, but the whole collective thingy of what i'm presently in.  Its one of the dumbest idea but hell, unhappy thoughts came hand in hand together today. pfft. I can't think good things to cheer me up.  I tried but it didn't meant anything. Dumb. Me. I wanna go out. Just don't wanna do it alone. :/ i tried asking my friend to go out somewhere, but he's with gf today, so that means it'll be the 3 of us if then. pfft. not that i don't like the girl, but i can't just say can me and dexie be alone for a while.  naahh.
I just then really realized, its totally different him having a girlfriend.  I miss the old times.  Then I miss having someone I can call and just do talk and dates somewhere. 

Impulsivity do forms regrets

Early start for a morning, I feel regrets from yesterday.  Its not really of a big deal but this totally threw my day out the trash.

Bum life can make you plan out of the ordinary stuff.  Well, maybe it may be of your usual stuff but impulsively thought of.  I planned to trim my bangs a bit, still deciding on what kind wanting a bit different look.  Opting for a full bangs for it'll be better with the shape of my face.  But then, still thinking twice with it, I absentmindedly decided to shorten the body of my hair first.  My present 'do formed a V with the longest strands trailed down near my bottom.  I planned on having the same style but up my bra line.  I trim it there but then thought seems like none of a difference.  Cut a bit again.  I did seem to enjoy the trimming 'til I reached above my nip line.  I find it okay at that time.  As I continued to cut the final layer and be able to see the whole thing, emotions came rushing in.  I don't want this! I looked at the stash of hair, men I cut it long! :( I've got worries.  I miss my long hair.  I feel like I regretted it, I should not have done it. With this big thing in mind, I totally forgot to cut my bangs.  Clouds of  thought formed a bout on my relentless mind.  It started to sink in. 


Well I can't do anything 'bout it now.  Just have to get accustomed with this. pfft.  Now I'm planning to have it rebonded but I can't. arggghh Don't have the resources to pay for it.  Got braces to pay for and some future expenses. bad vibes coming in!

with my long hair

with the new haircut

Still early and I'm already feeling shitty. amft!

It is how much you've affected me.

I know you love me,

You are very open with that.

And hope you see that I do appreciate the feeling,

I do appreciate you.

I do appreciate the things you do,

the stuffs you write,

the compliments you give,

the time you spend,

the ideas you share,

the jokes to make me laugh,

the comments that make me smile,

the past you share,

the questions you ask,

the answers you give.

Oh, don’t do everything for me, you’ll gonna spoil me then haha!

Do everything that’ll make Us happy, not just me.

With the things we’ve talked about, I want you to do those.

If we’ll be put in a test, that specific test

 You’ll know then, what to do.

I just sounded like I’ve molded a flowchart :)

I would love that, not making me stop ‘til I see the love we have.

Give me that reason that’ll make me realize reality. 

Seeing you in pain, I’m sure will be my waterloo.

I will hate those, I may hate myself too.

This may be a turning point for me, something that’ll grab me back.    

Reading your stuff made me stare on it for a while,

My heart actually did a cart wheel a couple of times with it.

You’re making me feel the security we’ved talked about.

Honestly, soon I would want to feel that you are my happily ever after,

and not just my once upon a time.

Too early to say, but then who knows.  :)

That 2 letter makes me smile, bigtime!

You make me smile

You always do that, you know.

I have nights that smile is the last thing left on me

before I went on to dreamland.

I’ve got times I laughed so hard,

it made my cheeks hurt bigtime.

Your words touched me,

Smiling is an understatement to describe me.

I’m happy we’re doing this,

This writing stuff thingy

I’m starting to know your feelings.

And thank you, you appreciate my effort

 to lessen your feeling of being jealous, if not eliminating.

I take a look at myself – if I’m feeling it,

 what would I want to hear to ease my sensitivity

Then I do tell those to you.

I like you, I feel light when you are around.

I am opening again my once closed option – LDR.

P.S.:

I never have thought you would be much open with me with this topic.

And you even called me ‘bata’ prior. lol.

TEACH ME MASTER, :)

Ang sarap lang sa mata, makita yung sinulat mo.

Naisip ko lang naman, di pa din naman natin sigurado kaya ko binalik yung mga tanong.

Sa sandaling pagkakakilala, alam ko labas palang ang nakilala sakin.

Sa araw araw – nag-uusap, nagbibiruan, nagkukulitan, nag-aasaran, nagkukwentuhan.

Masaya ako, kasi ang dali lang.  Parang ang kampante ko na okey lang lahat sayo.

Di ko na iisipin na baka di mo magustuhan o baka ang ‘korni’ ng dating.

Ang dami kong nalaman, may mga natutunan.

Baka nga masabi ko na ang “teach me, master.” :

Mga bagay na baka di ako kampanteng pag usapan kapag iba ang kausap.

Nagiging normal na pag uusap at biruan kapag ikaw ang kausap.

Masaya ako, na kahit hindi pa talaga ito ang gusto mo, kulang pa ang hinihintay mo.

Andyan ka lang, nag aantay, sabihin ko sayo – yung alam mo na. :

Dati ko ng napagtanto, pero ang hirap pa din talagang gawin.  Ang hirap magtagalog!

OO IKAW

If I am to cry again, I am crying for joy. :D. Thank u super.

Ibabalik ko ang tanong

Mamahalin mo din kaya ako?

Magugustuhan mo din kaya ako? Kapag nagkita na tayo.

Sana. :)

 

Masaya din ako nakilala kita

Sa lahat ng magandang sinabi mo, lahat yun gusto ko.

Kahit paulit ulit kong binabasa, napapangiti lang ako lalo

Alam ko na kung ano tayo kapag masaya,y

Yung kapag hindi nalang.

Madali akong malungkot, madali lang din sumaya.

Salamat sa sinabi mong sasamahan mo ako at yayakapin kapag nangyari ang una.

Ice cream nga lang okay na ako.

Sa madaming mangyayari, maganda o hindi.

Basta matinong usap lang, nadadaan lahat sa ganun. J

Saka sabi mo nga eto yung relasyon na “give and take”.

Kapag nagseselos kana, kapag naiinis ka pala.

Kapag ayaw mo ng ginagawa ko, ng asal ko.

Sabihin mo lang, para alam ko. 

At mababago ko, magiging okay tayo.

Ganun din ako.­

Hope this helps, hirap magtagalog ah hehe.

Catch me, I'm ...

me as i got excited on something!.
i'll another that'll show how i got disappointed after that intense excitement.

Let me fall head over heels.

You're becoming a routine.  You have become my routine.  You keep me welcome with your presence.  You make me smile with simple things.  Make me laugh with our funny stories.  You make me comfortable to talk about uncomfortable stuff.  I'm starting to think about you more often than I should.  I'm starting to wait for you go online when I'm online. 

I think about you every night I go to sleep.  I imagine you're here with me. With one arms around me and your legs touching me.  Then you kiss me on my neck and we fall asleep like that.  It helps me sleep. 

I'm starting to like you.    

There are just thoughts that keeps me with my previous decision.  I'm still in limbo if to pursue or not, but obviously I'm siding with the former.  

 

And at this time, you're asleep in front of me, though different time different place.  Hope this will make you smile when you get this. 

‎"You were born because you are going to be important to someone." ♥

HACHIKO: A dog's story

 

Everytime I watch Hachiko, it never fails to make me cry. :( It makes me realize that somehow I've been taken for granted my Dulce for a while.  I've been busy with other stuff, while she's just there waiting for me to cuddle her.  I remember another dog story that the dog implied, "you master have friends, classmates and other people, but I only have you." :( I'm such a crbaby haha.

This had been a true story of a professor, Parker Wilson, who found a puppy, or the puppy had found him from the train station that leads to his home.  He took the puppy home with the intention to find its owner the next day but no one would claim the pup. Longing for a friendly companion at home, the wife sees this from Parker and decided to let his husband keep the pup.  

Hachi enveloped the term 'man's bestfriend' as he showed love and loyalty to his master.  I was really moved when his master, Parker, died and wasn't able to continue his daily routine (to go to school and come home via the train station).  Hachi continued to wait outside the train station expecting for his master to show up to the door, smiling and coming up to him calling his name.  Even after the master's death, Hachi continued to do this the next day and for the next roughly nine years.  He had aged, neglected, forgotten -- but he continued to wait on that same spot day to day with the positive thought that that door will swing open and his master with cheery eyes and smiling face excitedly walking up to him like it was just yesterday.  

Hachi attached the sounds of the train coming that his master will be arriving at the station at the end of the day.  This could be an operant conditioning that the dog connects the sound on something favorable to happen but still, he showed he had gone overboard with it.  Hachi lived for his name, hachi means eight in english.  The number symbolizes infinity and continuity.  He had been loyal to his master as long as he had lived, even on his deathbed.

When you love someone, you tend to forget everything and concentrate on that person the moment that person is gone.  You tend to neglect everything around you, everything will become a blur as you continue to strive to bring back that emotion, that happy feeling you feel when that someone is present.  This is what happened to Hachi, being loyal to his master even though he will not come back.  But then, Hachi doesn't know that. :|

I liked how they portrayed the perspective of Hachi.   As have been said with dogs , they see the world -- in black and white.

A Beautiful Mind

 A Beautiful Mind

Old and odd but definitely will wake up your senses to explore your world in a different perspective.  Everyone has a chance in this world, even crazy people. ^_~

Gives me a different feeling, a pseudo self-attainment in my mind.  I feel euphoric with this, good example of couple who stands through thick and thin.

I'll never get tired of watching you. 

Blue Valentine (2010)

I haven't written for a while.  Help me bring back my thoughts. :)

This is a little bit late for valentines, but hey its still February so this still counts. haha!

The story much revolved to a love story that only one person has the love and the other is just for comfort.  I am moved with the sincerity and control of emotions of the guy to the girl, that event hough  emotional pain hits him hard he still manage to have this respect and love for her.  This story portrays the realization that you will do anything for love, even crossing the border of your ego.   Dean falls love at first sight with this girl, Cindy, who has a boyfriend, Jerry.  Cindy as had been implied, doesn't love back Dean as much as he had.  Heartbroken and lost Cindy saw the man and sincerity in Dean that swept her off her feet for a while.  Take responsibilities with her, even claimed the child she was having although not really his.  Geez, he's so in love with her.  Few years after they have been married, Dean had been so sweet and tried everything to make the relationship work.  Cindy, on the other hand, showed the emptiness in her eyes everytime she looks at Dean.  Although she likes Dean, having a lot of potentials and excels in stuff that he does, she still sees the imperfections the guy has.  The ending is a bit depressing, but I am moved that it is the right thing that should happen for the both of them.

The story of the movie is unfortunately true in relationships everywhere.  Its starts with who will it be for you: the one you love or the one who loves you.  A story of how reality bites every person in situations where one loves the other more and no contentment.  You cannot definitely be happy when you're with a person you don't specifically love -- loving for convenience, for other reason, for other bullshits.  This shows how life could just be unfair.  You love a person but that person doesn't love you back.  Instead he/she is in love with someone else.  And a someone else loves you back.  So I guess it is luck for those person who believe in soul-mates and they've found them.

Good movie. There should just be a bit more distinction on the physical appearance of Dean and Cindy on their flashbacks scenes and present ones cause it brings one into thinking which is which.









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OT: I've got a new professor, she treats us like matured people when it comes to discussions but she treats us like kids with our assignments.  Who in college would make comments like happy faces, 'me like =)', in your drawings.  Haha! put on some stamp stars and we're back in pre-school! But hell yeah its cool. haha!  Weird, she uses idioms like 'kiss ass' and 'hell yeah' as side comments to some discussions.  Nonetheless, I like her as a prof, out of the ordinary. 

Letters to Jerri

Dear Jerri,

Damn I miss you furry-inanimate-let-out friend!  Pouring out thoughts for my future. 

I wish to find that someone who will never get tired of me.  That someone who holds my hand in public and smile.  The one who makes the cutest pout when she's jealous.  Someone who will look at me like I'm the prettiest girl for her.  Someone who will ask me whats wrong when I'm quiet.  Someone who will tell lousy jokes, for me to have that silly laugh.  Someone who is willing to sit down and have nice long conversation of anything under the sun.  Someone whose presence makes hard things just like a walk in the park.  

That someone who will hold my hand and tell me "It will be alright, I'm right here and will never leave."  Someone whose young at heart to laugh at my immaturity and mature enough when needs arise.  The one who will make confrontation and not collision with our problems.  Maybe hard to grasp, when reality bits hard.  But that why there is magic in every little thing we believe.  

 "Magic is always impossible.  It begins with the impossible and ends with the impossible and is impossible in between.  That is why it's magic."

 I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight. 

P.S.: Jerri I uber miss you.  Where can I find a new you?  My beanie baby.

I like not only to be loved, but to be told that I am loved. ~~ :)

BV!

I've known something through ways I couldn't tell.  Its not a good way.  So I just kept quiet.  Its about how you didn't love me the way you should, the way you talked about it.  Could it be you've just said it to lighten the burden with the situation you're into at that time. At least you should have stood up for me well.  You could have made me proud of you then.  But that didn't happened.  I then just realized it.  I really doubted you more.  

You asked me what's wrong.  If I tell you, would you help me with it.  When it is you that's wrong. Most of the things about you now is doubtful.  I cannot even tell if its true or just a facade.  Is it just a phase that you 'love' me now.  

Then I told you what's inside.  Nothing happens.  Is it the sign that history is repeating itself for the nth time? That you again want it to come from me, then you could proceed to that grimy deed again.  Pick up some bimbos and join the ride.  Leave me like a helpless damsel, retrieving my pieces you've smashed behind.  Well let me tell you now,  I've been better since then.  You've changed me, you know.  This would be just like a walk in the park, easily done.

I 'm happy being with you but its lacking something ~~ trust.  I am having the feeling again.  The least emotion I ever wanted to feel again.  It is with your new found friend.  I dunno, but it gives me a different aura between the two of you now.  Just make sure you are true this time and make my hunches wrong.  Because if not, you'll regret it long enough.

You hurt me once... shame on you. You hurt me twice... shame on me

for the third time? for the nth time? shameless me?
I'm having a hard time.  I hate it :( Give assurance for that truthful feeling. ...

Can't talk to anybody about this. I can't talk it here either pfft.
i just need a let out :( that's why i'm posting here again. 
I'm squeezed between what i want to do and what i'm currently doing.
I think I need to change plans ... for survival. boo!
Why are u like this?!







SAD. :(