I am feeling this again. As I go on with my daily life now, the total opposite of what I have with before -- dependent, young and carefree. I miss our home, where there is my momi and papa. I miss it :(. This is the second time around. I felt this when me and my sister lived independently because my mom went to Canada to work and live there and my dad had already passed away like 4 years at that time. I cried so hard on my sister because of feeling empty. She told me I am just being 'homesick'. But in reality, we are at home. It just figuratively meant that the I miss the life we had previously, when we are still complete. I miss the my old life, though it was not much of independence. My mom was so strict she would not even let us sleep in our cousin's house and will see to it that we'll be picked up even its late. She wouldn't let me go commute alone especially if it'll be far, and funny I wasn't suppose to sit at the very front nor the very back, it should be midway. She would rigidly instruct me to let the cars pass and to look left to right before crossing the street. She wouldn't let me go to far places. To make it short, she is utterly strict. She really baby-ed us moreover with me. My sister even make statements 'bout it. It was a two-way aspect. I felt secured but then it also made me dependent too. I was raised with someone had been making decisions for me, that I can go on without not even having to choose.
And so as went to the point in my life to make the first biggest decision, my life flashed in my mind that what if I was different, what if I'm better at it. I dumbfoundedly made that decision and its where it all started that I grew up and thought differently -- maturely. It is when I came to deciding who to love -- the one who loves me so much or the one whom I'm presently in love with. I chose the latter. Although I can't say it had a happy ending but I learned a lot from it. My views in life started in it. I just realized I missed a lot in my life back then.
A new chapter of my life had been opened. New characters are in it too. Some of the old ones are out of the picture. I miss so many of them. I miss my bestfriend. If only I could still keep her. We've decided to part ways so this is the consequence incorporated with it. With this new chapter, I am happy for the new ones but still I miss the old me. I miss my old life. I miss my family. I miss it all. Sometimes it came to me that I wish I could be a child again, then my dad would still be here and my mom will be with us too. But everything has a purpose and nothing is left here unchanged. I have grown up and I am happy to be raised like this. I am no near perfect, definitely with lot of flaws but I can still manage ti live my way of life with those imperfections and that is what counts.
-----------------------
p.s.: Jeri, i miss u too. *wink*.
I was kept busy with this. Felt a bit relieve. Thanks :)
