You cannot have it all -- at the same time

I am just having my true break now.  After all those grueling weeks of review and sort of gaining lack of confidence for the exam.

I missed bumming around. But this will be just for around two weeks from now.  Then I'll be back on real life.  Back to mixing the ingredients for my whole life pastry. :)

I just confirmed an old phrase.
You cannot really have all things in your hand.
But I am more looking for to this,
You can have it all, but just not on the same time.

When you're busy on one important thing, be aware.  You might regret taking another thing for granted.  I just did.  I don't know how to patch that up but whichever result will it gain, life must go on for me and eventually that chapter will close to open a new one.  I hope that the next will last longer -- if not longest.

I got my license but I lost my special someone.
Beats me.


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OT: taking the next step, again. but this is sure this time :) -- visascreen wootwoot.

USRN when again? Now!!

At last my prolonged agony ended with a big dot.  The one that cannot be erased!! :) I can now definitely say -- I have made it. I really got worried because I know in myself I am really prepared (i play petforest instead) but then, I still did made it.  weeee. A big thanks to you Lord.  Thanks a lot.

I just found it out this morning, when I am the one to check. I even covered my eyes after I hit submit.  Then a big smile really just came out.  I PASSED! I calmly called my sister just for her to check I really passed.  :) I am just so grateful because with this, many of my plans and processing will finally move on.  My IELTS will expire this year so I need this licensure to process my US papers.

Just as we are talking about me passing,AJ called.  I shared her the so oh good news. She is really delighted with it. She will be the one to process my application.  Thank you for St. Therese for helping my prayers be granted.

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:) dead tired. off to haven.

USRN when?

I feel like engaging into bungee jumping with this present situation.  You've prepared yourself, trusted your guts, placed your life on the ropes and the people securing you to it.  Many have succeed with their goals which is to conquer fears and feel the unrelenting joy, but one can never assure.  I may be reacting too much with this, I have a bit of assurance but still I will never know.  What if yes I am prepared and I know for myself that somehow I gave my best and I know I have my stand for gaining a favorable result with this licensure, but still it is out of my hand to know what is really my stand with it until the result is yet unseen. 

I am scared that I might have the not so good result.  I wouldn't know how will I take it.  Everything is laid in front of me.  The comfort for preparing my horses, the supportive and understanding people around me, the time to prepare, the materials to begin with, the tips for how to do it, and everything wonderful in stored with it was arranged for me unconditionally. 

This thing I really need to get is needed for me to move on with my next step.  With this, everything will be in place again after my previous attempts that failed.  I am crossing my fingers for a fruitful answer.  I am embracing the future that was already planned for me.  I will know the answer may be now, maybe later, maybe tomorrow.  With just few clicks, I will know how I am judged.  



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please give this to me this time.
there'll be two things that i will cry for. 
joy or disappointment.
i am hoping for the former.

Will I make it?

The first was inevitable, then its was suicide.  Now I have prepared my horses, I put my eyes in You my Lord.  I pray You will grant this to me, this time around.

Funny but true

I crossed along with this humble yet significantly touching one's life video in facebook.  Her simple words embraced my unrelenting heart.  Those imperfections of her late husband, those no big deal and some even annoying actions a person does, means nothing today but can mean something to you tomorrow.  I could definitely relate on this, as everyone does.  Imperfection is what makes us perfect.  Maybe not for everyone but definitely for your special one.  

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i.am.missing.someone.far.away.
hope.she's.fine. :)

Paparazzi was playing.  I was doing the usual answering of Saunders questions.  Then there, my mind smiled (yes it is my mind that smiled haha!) I missed being online with the guys at DL. Moreover when I was at the tambay room.  A friend would sing for me this song, that will definitely make my night. :) But I definitely miss all of them. My Engl101 room too.

"... I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me, Ha-ha ha-ha Hatchii, baby there's no other superstar ..."

I miss you Puuurrnnn ...

Business to trap

this was supposed to be for may 10 night of election.

Later today, me and my Kutsie went to 711 and Ministop (supposed to be C2 hoarding for its cheap price today due to election day, but then it is then just 1 bottle per voter unfortunately I did not vote so we only got 2, 1 from 711 then 1 from ministop.lolz).  It was soooo hot here in Pinas, I wish there is an air cooler fan following me everywhere. arrgghh.

With the state both of us are having, we are supposed to be capable of being independent but with the ways we chose, we are again students and a bit broke, capable of only our humble student meals.  We had a small business in mind to  start.  It is a franchise of KerriMo, a snackbar catering a drink and snack of potato fries or cheese balls and the like, in just one handy paper cup container, fit for people on the go. My sister had consulted it with our mom, who is miles away from us, unfortunately she strongly opposed with this stating who will be the trusted people to be hired for this and will be just a waste of money.  Haist.  Hard to be rejected.  I told my sister that we should form a good business proposal for this, and if my mom will still not be convinced with this, we could offer it to other close person who could support us with this :) I hope AJ will. :)  haha sound desperate to earn something.  I just don't want and need to be bound now to a job that will require a constant place and time.  First, I still have school, and second is I want a flexible time for work. 

My sis kidded that by the next time my baby Dulce heats, we should have her stud again.  I pity my dog, yes she is okay with being preggy but her boobs sags like she needs around 4 supported bras for that hahahaha.  Raising quality pups brings home some bacon but that is just seasonal.

Could someone suggest other business options please :).

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written while offline.  Connection sucks at night. 

I just want to be always happy. But I know that would be impossible. Those people that's supposed to bring it to me does the opposite. But I am thankful to the new person in my new life for bringing a smile in to my hassled face. Thanks that somehow I could cuddle my pillow. :).



The day is here without anything special nor to celebrate with.  Another counting just passed. The month hadn't had much highlights.A bit happy and I don't know. Even through the place where varying time and loc is possible. Getting on the 5th :)

Dangerous mind

I just finished the 4 seasons of L word which is a bad thing because I should be minding my review for another stuff rather.  I soo missed Shane! :) As I have watched it again, well atleast now I have watched it fully and not just glimpse by glimpse of the story, I started to vision myself pursuing writing. :) There again is Jenny, the angelic face and innocently looking girl everyone could fall for.  She has this Irish pale face and big black peeping eyes topped with matching full bangs that was traitored with the character she portrayed in the story.  Ampt with a strong-willed attitude but view everything in an odd and out of the normal way one would normally think in a certain situation.  She thinks that creativity is what she does but actually it is what she lacks and she carries this close mindedness thinking that everyone trying to correct her thoughts are f*cked up and defined as a threat.  I really enjoyed her character.  She viewed life as a journey in search of who you really are.  That one does not really know who they really are and they go on with life to continuesly search for their essence and tries to fit in bit by bit. I throw my coins to this. 

Her way of thinking undesiringly fits those who can make ordinary stuff extraordinary.  In reality, her character can be verged in a situation whether to side with the good: the people who made lived their lives impossbile, unsurprisingly hard but made a difference; or to this other side where she could pose a threat to everybody due to how she defyingly perceive things.  You wouldn't know what runs into her mind, she see things in a totally different perspective.

In line with her, I on the other hand would want to do some writing.  Probably not now and probably not a fiction one. Although not making it a profession, but a passion by heart.  It again got me thinking.  Am I really who I am with what I am currently pursuing at present.  Surely, with the recent events that came up I partially modified and changed my future plans. The dreams widened in array, I am looking my life in a slightly different perspective. 

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I am not good at anything.  Well probably, I do bit with drawing.  But that could be boring for the others.  Now, I sensed I could write, which is another boring thing for others.  I am just now realizing how boring I am -- I excel with math too.  Spell my name and its spelled B-O-R-I-N-G.  I should do more of not-the-ordinary-for-me stuffs.  I had added it in my wishlist, I want to do go kart, better yet (or worse?) be on a drag race!  One impossible thing at this moment.  I just haven't come out with my safe shell.  And when I do, drag race would be on my number one list of to do's.  I will be well practiced with my reckless driving then :) (my sister often tells me I am one, although I don't really drive).

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ZZZZZzzzz ....

I want to write a book.  A book that could be titled How is to be crossed to hairline of insanity.  I would want to write how people turn to get mental illness, given that most of them deal with extreme emotional stress and not being able to cope with it well and eventually cross the borderline between reality and imaginary.  How would irrational thoughts starts.  What were they thinking before incoherent thoughts comes.  Were they thinking to much or unconventional thoughts just bubbles out.  To go through this, i know i would need to deal with the mentally incapacitated.  See through their eyes, live with their thinking, and mingle with their thoughts.  I will bear in mind not to get to intense with them, as to not to cope with their state of mind well.  When i had my educational exposure with them back in schooldays, we had this patient, he is smart and pleasant to us.  We learned from him that he was once a SPED teacher working with autistic children.  He was swarmed with the idea to learn from these special ones that he tried to envelope himself into their world.  One sad thing, he was not able to come back and was engulfed by his schizoprenia disorder.  

Reflecting on it, it was really scary or I could say it really gives me a fright.  How one who was arms out willing to develop skills to help out the needy turned out to be one of the needy.  Hardship became worthless.

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will I be able to do this? sa tamad ko. haha!

just a thought and a fulfillment for me.

i missed my lair! good to be back online. 

smartbro sucks bigtime!