Will I make it?

The first was inevitable, then its was suicide.  Now I have prepared my horses, I put my eyes in You my Lord.  I pray You will grant this to me, this time around.

Funny but true

I crossed along with this humble yet significantly touching one's life video in facebook.  Her simple words embraced my unrelenting heart.  Those imperfections of her late husband, those no big deal and some even annoying actions a person does, means nothing today but can mean something to you tomorrow.  I could definitely relate on this, as everyone does.  Imperfection is what makes us perfect.  Maybe not for everyone but definitely for your special one.  

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i.am.missing.someone.far.away.
hope.she's.fine. :)

Paparazzi was playing.  I was doing the usual answering of Saunders questions.  Then there, my mind smiled (yes it is my mind that smiled haha!) I missed being online with the guys at DL. Moreover when I was at the tambay room.  A friend would sing for me this song, that will definitely make my night. :) But I definitely miss all of them. My Engl101 room too.

"... I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me, Ha-ha ha-ha Hatchii, baby there's no other superstar ..."

I miss you Puuurrnnn ...

Business to trap

this was supposed to be for may 10 night of election.

Later today, me and my Kutsie went to 711 and Ministop (supposed to be C2 hoarding for its cheap price today due to election day, but then it is then just 1 bottle per voter unfortunately I did not vote so we only got 2, 1 from 711 then 1 from ministop.lolz).  It was soooo hot here in Pinas, I wish there is an air cooler fan following me everywhere. arrgghh.

With the state both of us are having, we are supposed to be capable of being independent but with the ways we chose, we are again students and a bit broke, capable of only our humble student meals.  We had a small business in mind to  start.  It is a franchise of KerriMo, a snackbar catering a drink and snack of potato fries or cheese balls and the like, in just one handy paper cup container, fit for people on the go. My sister had consulted it with our mom, who is miles away from us, unfortunately she strongly opposed with this stating who will be the trusted people to be hired for this and will be just a waste of money.  Haist.  Hard to be rejected.  I told my sister that we should form a good business proposal for this, and if my mom will still not be convinced with this, we could offer it to other close person who could support us with this :) I hope AJ will. :)  haha sound desperate to earn something.  I just don't want and need to be bound now to a job that will require a constant place and time.  First, I still have school, and second is I want a flexible time for work. 

My sis kidded that by the next time my baby Dulce heats, we should have her stud again.  I pity my dog, yes she is okay with being preggy but her boobs sags like she needs around 4 supported bras for that hahahaha.  Raising quality pups brings home some bacon but that is just seasonal.

Could someone suggest other business options please :).

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written while offline.  Connection sucks at night. 

I just want to be always happy. But I know that would be impossible. Those people that's supposed to bring it to me does the opposite. But I am thankful to the new person in my new life for bringing a smile in to my hassled face. Thanks that somehow I could cuddle my pillow. :).



The day is here without anything special nor to celebrate with.  Another counting just passed. The month hadn't had much highlights.A bit happy and I don't know. Even through the place where varying time and loc is possible. Getting on the 5th :)

Dangerous mind

I just finished the 4 seasons of L word which is a bad thing because I should be minding my review for another stuff rather.  I soo missed Shane! :) As I have watched it again, well atleast now I have watched it fully and not just glimpse by glimpse of the story, I started to vision myself pursuing writing. :) There again is Jenny, the angelic face and innocently looking girl everyone could fall for.  She has this Irish pale face and big black peeping eyes topped with matching full bangs that was traitored with the character she portrayed in the story.  Ampt with a strong-willed attitude but view everything in an odd and out of the normal way one would normally think in a certain situation.  She thinks that creativity is what she does but actually it is what she lacks and she carries this close mindedness thinking that everyone trying to correct her thoughts are f*cked up and defined as a threat.  I really enjoyed her character.  She viewed life as a journey in search of who you really are.  That one does not really know who they really are and they go on with life to continuesly search for their essence and tries to fit in bit by bit. I throw my coins to this. 

Her way of thinking undesiringly fits those who can make ordinary stuff extraordinary.  In reality, her character can be verged in a situation whether to side with the good: the people who made lived their lives impossbile, unsurprisingly hard but made a difference; or to this other side where she could pose a threat to everybody due to how she defyingly perceive things.  You wouldn't know what runs into her mind, she see things in a totally different perspective.

In line with her, I on the other hand would want to do some writing.  Probably not now and probably not a fiction one. Although not making it a profession, but a passion by heart.  It again got me thinking.  Am I really who I am with what I am currently pursuing at present.  Surely, with the recent events that came up I partially modified and changed my future plans. The dreams widened in array, I am looking my life in a slightly different perspective. 

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I am not good at anything.  Well probably, I do bit with drawing.  But that could be boring for the others.  Now, I sensed I could write, which is another boring thing for others.  I am just now realizing how boring I am -- I excel with math too.  Spell my name and its spelled B-O-R-I-N-G.  I should do more of not-the-ordinary-for-me stuffs.  I had added it in my wishlist, I want to do go kart, better yet (or worse?) be on a drag race!  One impossible thing at this moment.  I just haven't come out with my safe shell.  And when I do, drag race would be on my number one list of to do's.  I will be well practiced with my reckless driving then :) (my sister often tells me I am one, although I don't really drive).

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ZZZZZzzzz ....

I want to write a book.  A book that could be titled How is to be crossed to hairline of insanity.  I would want to write how people turn to get mental illness, given that most of them deal with extreme emotional stress and not being able to cope with it well and eventually cross the borderline between reality and imaginary.  How would irrational thoughts starts.  What were they thinking before incoherent thoughts comes.  Were they thinking to much or unconventional thoughts just bubbles out.  To go through this, i know i would need to deal with the mentally incapacitated.  See through their eyes, live with their thinking, and mingle with their thoughts.  I will bear in mind not to get to intense with them, as to not to cope with their state of mind well.  When i had my educational exposure with them back in schooldays, we had this patient, he is smart and pleasant to us.  We learned from him that he was once a SPED teacher working with autistic children.  He was swarmed with the idea to learn from these special ones that he tried to envelope himself into their world.  One sad thing, he was not able to come back and was engulfed by his schizoprenia disorder.  

Reflecting on it, it was really scary or I could say it really gives me a fright.  How one who was arms out willing to develop skills to help out the needy turned out to be one of the needy.  Hardship became worthless.

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will I be able to do this? sa tamad ko. haha!

just a thought and a fulfillment for me.

i missed my lair! good to be back online. 

smartbro sucks bigtime!

Rose that was once precious

Flowers speak emotions.  Red dazzling roses paint the town red.  Let glitter sprinkle the eye of its beholder.  Red roses that speaks for itself.  Three red roses that presumes the sweetest three letter word.  I love you.  Playful words said to court your someone dear, it began with poems like this, everyone loves to hear ...

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sugar is sweet; 

And so are you.

and I put up ...

Roses are red

Pieces are love

Three buds to bare,

Speaks I love you in air.

Then clock ticks freewill,

Those roses be red still?

Time turns change

Scarlet turns brown

Beauty lure beast

Precious come trash.

Much like love

 Dazzling then be dazzled.

When dazzle has gone

Will love still be around?

Withered as it is

Silhouette of glitz as once has been

If true love strike

True beauty will be glorified still

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I came along with these pieces as I was rearranging my room.

Want it seen withered but still withered and beautiful.

Now I need to find a tube to fit it in so I can keep it good.

Chick.en

A potential motivator for side skills are offered this day.   Ria Bautista posted if someone could make a logo for her upcoming designed shirts and I've asked about it.  She told me if I would make a logo for a given name that will not be too loud nor outspoken but simple and has witty humor.  Mm, tempting.  It could be easy, if I'll start sketching it and tweak it with everybody's bestfriend -- the photoshop.  

As I was trying to formalize my foreseen layout and actually starting the piece.  I don't know, I just burned out and continued not finishing it.  Chickened out? Spare me.  That would be one thing that I could make for hours without boring myself.  I could do wild ideas with it.  But I am not really sure what happened there, may be I really was afraid then.  There could be a lot potential artist way better than me.  I am so pretty lame, really.

I don't really know anything there, all I know is to draw... draw, sketch, take a pen or pencil and doodle whatever pleases my mood -- the girl in front of me, the professor noting nothing in front, the chair, the notebook ... the tree.  I sketch when I'm in the mood, when I'm anxious with what I'm studying (I trace my tree on the top page), when I'm happy :) and when I'm so down (I want the illustration will portray and feel the emptiness I have inside, it does work).  This is my frustration.  It feels good expressing it here.  I just want to embed somewhere that one day, I would flourish this with more than just illustrations, I want to paint.  And fcuk me I'm stepping one backward from this because I'm getting low self esteem for it.  I backed out from an opportunity to showcase my potential.  Ironic attacks.

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sorry.i.went.lame.with.fighting.over.a.so.lame.stuff. am.being.stupid.

I miss my lair! :) Good to be infront of a our old desktop again.  Although I am still fixing its probs. 

I got pissed. I was blogging my thoughts like last two nights using my mobile, (because lappie's still with the service center) and when I was done and hit the post button. Viola! It didn't post. :(  I didn't bother to retype it, my thoughts ran away.  Anyways, i'll post again soon.

Colors changed. I am gay tonight.  Hope it will be still long til this colors will be changed to dull.
The colors reflect my emotions and what I feel.

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its late...will go to sleep, my pillow is sending me to bed now...

Go on and multiply!

Why do at present there are lots of arising modified Catholic religions.  Yes it is given that there are other sects with totally different belief. There are Buddhism in which Buddha is their form of god, Islam which they raise their hearts to Allah, and and others like Judaism and Taoism where were already present thousand of years ago.  Different beliefs for their own god but in realization people just find their own way of showing belief that a certain god exists in front of them, as their form of hope that they could hold on something as they go on with their every day lives. 

But why do at present there are innumerable modified religion, most especially for the Catholicism in which in general they all still believe God per se exist.  Its just that  they have perceive it in various ways.  The bible is still what they hold in their hands, its just that they read and interpret it differently.  It was prophesied that many false prophets will arise carrying the Lord's name and spreading false beliefs of their existence.  Is this already that?  Actually, most of this modified and diversed forms of Christianity were born because these pioneers had found flaws with the Roman Catholic church's teachings.  They perceived the church then as opportunistic and live the bible's teaching differently.  This originated centuries back and still continuously perceived as that.  Well, every person may have a different perspective on a same object. It doesn't mean that one could be wrong. It will depend on the situation.  What matter really is how God perceives our actions.  Nobody is perfect.  Compromise is just a few steps behind change.  If only the original teaching of the church is open for change and believers are ready to adapt with this.  There will be lesser oppositions and stronger belief for the believers.  People have become detailed with every aspects of the Christian teachings. If they see some flaws they will see it as against God.  Some do react violently and publicly expressing pessimistic views.  With this, they just promote hatred for each other. 

One purpose God asks for us is to go on and multiply.  This really  could not literally mean to conceive more but to save a soul,  spare a life and bring back to Christianity.  Teach others about their purpose of existence and at least save another soul during their lifetime. Simple but complex.  

I've learned this through these recent years and from some people that touched my soul with warmth. Thank you for all those fruitful encounters.

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my two cents for the week. Happy Easter. :)