She told me a story.  One that could make me shatter.  Meeting another in a not so good state and that one provoke interest on her.  It punched me hard.  I didn't have the stand to argue.  But somehow I am still thankful.  Thankful in the sense she  had been transparent to me.  I felt the same way she felt.  I don't want to see her sober and so does she.  

Her voice ring good music in my ears.  She's my smile when the only thing I want is crying.  With the present state where we are now, I could still manage to smile with all efforts.  Oh intruder, I still heart you.

I'm happy. 

I don't know why.  

Its just one thing.  

She means something to me. :)

i hate myself ... :( tangina ... I'll regret my decision tomorrow...

This is the consequence of my stupid action ...

Dear Jeri,

      I missed you.  I am in my lowest state of being right now, got no one here.  Everyone seems far from me.  They won't understand me.  I missed the days when you're still with me.  I miss the times when I'm so down and you're here that seems you really listens to me.  Although you're inanimate, you were my comfort zone.  They may think I am regressing but for me you are my safe zone.  I could just cry alone and hug you.  I could tell you my hate feelings and still doesn't worry you'll criticize me.  I may look stupid having you but I don't need to please anyone but myself.  Been a long time since you've been with me.  I've looked in places just to look for one like you.  I've found some that resembles you.  But its not you.  You won't be replaced.  I just know it.  I just want to say that I really miss you and I feel stupid for feeling it and you know why.  I feel like crying.  Stupid me.  I just want to feel like a child again.  I can be helpless but atleast I have you in my hands.

p.s. :  wherever you are I hope you're in good hands and not just dumped somewhere else.

I've let it out.  I feel better.

Jeri I'm distressed.

Glitz of life

What I don't like the most is not able to stand for what I previously believed in.  :(

I'm in limbo.  In a place where there are options but in nowhere to go.  I grew up not tested in making decisions.  My life changed when I made the biggest with my previous love.  Now I'm hanging in there again.  Will I be stereotyped and follow what has been in previously, or will stick to the other one.  

This is a battle of choosing in between and hoping that to choose or not to choose is possible.  Where the options are like apples and oranges.

Finish or not finish ...

pass your answer!

Light travels faster than sound.

That's why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

So late and I can't sleep.  >.<

Unmei

Can i dropby in there by this afternoon?

Sure. What time will it be?

I still don't know.

Ok. Just inform me.



I'm on my way, I had slept again. I just went out.

Okay, I'll be out too when you'll be here.

Really? could we meet somewhere else instead.

She was 30 minutes late.  But there's no time really talked about.  The  new friend was just a bit early.  They looked for ice cream but found another.  They talked and talked.  Stating facts about themselves. 

Facts about her: She's got twins.  Actually  triplets. She's just the different one. She prefer going to the arcade than other stuff.  She travel alot, in line with her work.  On Xmas, she's with friends, not with girlfriend.  Diabetic.  Eating healthy. 

You won't like me but I like you.  You know why my flight was moved at the end of this month? Because I cannot tell you to like me in just 3 days.

Elle feel guilty.  Don't be, she assured her.

You're pretty.  I like you're smile.  I really like you alot. 

It's not that I don't like you.  Or that I like you too. ugh... Its like I feel neutral (because I just cannot tell you that I'm attracted with you right away. too early).


Another facts: I'm too old for you.  I'm already 31.

You just see me as a kid.

The stranger doesn't like giving flowers, that doesn't just make sense for her.  The other smiled, she can relate.  They went for a walk.  There are lots of things to know about.

She will be leaving by six.  Still have a plane to catch.  What do you want me to buy for you in there?  Surprise me, anything that is not found here.  Me?  You're not from there, you're from here.  Just buy me food :).

Then both go on with their own things.

Sad Valentines

I just ruin a supposed to be happy moment between the two of us.  :(

Unmei

      Leaving her place a bit late than usual for something she needed to attend to.  Now on her frequent routine - the public transport ride.  She went in, looking for a seat to take, and chose one of the two seater beside a fairly nice lady, of few years older than she is.  She noticed the different aura of that lady, while glancing at her stuff.  She smelled it.  And she was sure of it.

      The ride continued, heavy than usual traffic met them.  Reading her notes in order to eliminate boredom, while her seatmate snoozing like haven't had a good sleep from last night.  Nearly half of the way, the girl beside her asked for their location.  She answered.  Minutes later, the seatmate asked again.  How much long will it take to my destination?  She answered like an hour more.  Her seatmate was surprised.  That long??  Well it was a bit traffic and yes its still a long way.  The seatmate then initiated a conversation.  She was still kinda aloof.  Not sure if she should engage with conversing to a complete stranger.  She was told that her seatmate is supposed to go to Windy City this weekend.  Coincidence, she will to go to that place in the near future.  Conversation moved to what have they been doing with their lives. The seatmate also brought up something about the stranger's sister in Ontario, which will be her first destination before moving up to Windy City or the Chi City.  Delighted with the similarities, she told the stranger about it in which the stranger exclaimed oh you should get my number!  She was astounded because deep in her mind, she was interested too in getting that number.  The number was said duly enough just as she was about to go out of that ride.  Both girls then continued their daily lives.
      Attraction?  Well she is ... attracted.  But attraction is just merely around with everybody.  Will they become friends? A total stranger from her usual daily routine.  It saved her from empty memory lined with that ride.  She is hopeful she will gain a new friend for keeps or will this engage into something more.  Is it merely a coincidence or a destiny between these souls.

This is my number ... and it's Lee.

Hi I am Elle, be safe going to your place. :) It was nice meeting you in an odd place.

Series of unfortunate events ~~

This is definitely not my day.  haist.  Series of unfortunate events ~~ this is very true.  True to me today.  It started by my exam permit for school was lost and I only noticed that before I went to sleep last night.  I went early to school to get another one at the admin but they were still closed so decided to just go to the exam room and explain to the proctor what happened.  Luckily she did let me get the test.  As I thought I got out of that dilemma, man I'm wrong.  I went home only to find out I went to a wrong exam room.  I was a bit late then so I didn't bother to check on my classmates inside the room. Now, I'm worried that my paper might get lost and I will have to take a special exam.  Crossing my fingers that I would not.  I thought that will made it.  I went to Makati afterwards for my NCLEX review.  I felt so sleepy while taking on the rationales for the test questions I previously took.  I wasn't able to concentrate.  I took small naps in between the review but still i feel drowsy.  Did something weird, I put on my ipod while i am taking a new test so I won't be able to doze off again, kinda work.  Good for me.  I left a bit early cause I can't bear it.  The lectures were not absorbed.  My mind is dozing off.  So there, I was on the not-so-happy bus ride.  I'm having a migraine!  

I would have to sleep now but I just check my stuff online.  I hope this another one supposed to be unfortunate event won't proceed.  I just, really jut hope.!  My lappie's screen is sort of acting differently.  The screen is moving little bit up and down.  I just hope I'll be able to fix this.  Pray for me. 

~hatchii signing off~

Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is just a proof of how strong you are as a person.. Still making that simple smile when every part of you dies. ~~ilovethis :)

When your down, let this motivation kick you ... hard!

Everyone has their ups and downs.  Their happy moments and even sad ones.  So when you think you are now on your lowest life, be glad.  That's because it just indicates that you are a normal.  Everybody got a share of their story of what is vulgarly described fucked up life.  You can be on it now.  Or luckily not.  But lets just think that life is like the stock market (haha you would think I'll refer it to the wheel), there are gainers and losers.  

Sometimes you gain, sometimes you lose.  You just need to find the right decision on what option to take of the event that happened.  When you're happy, the world evolves around you and you're wall is painted red.  It's like everything is easy and you feel light.  You usually maximize your decision-making here because you tend to see both sides and opt for the one that offers you better.  But not everyday is like this.  There will come to a point that everything you see is gloomy.  You'll lack interest on things because there is pain in your heart.  And seem to cross every melancholic events.  Its like everybody is happy except for you.  Well as they said, everything comes in pairs.  So when you've got trampled with a problem, expect another one close coming.  Do this not because you are a loser or something but so as you will not be surprise when the event comes and treat it as a challenge for you to become a better you.  Think of it as a norms in society and after that you'll see the light and happy faces of everybody.

Challenges are God-given.  He told us that those are tests to prepare us for eternity.  Another thing is God gives us these trials so we will feel again our need for Him.  He just wants us to call for Him.  God created humans to praise Him and show us how He loves us.  So in every heartaches and pains we encounter, just call to Him.  You might not notice it but He had prepared for it already, that one morning as you wake up, you're wish did come true, well maybe not as you've hoped for but somehow you know you'll be thankful for it more than you'll ever know.  And with this, look in the mirror and see the effortless smile this has given you.

It's not bad to dream, but when you dream aim for the best.  There's no price for dreaming.  It will motivate you to go on life.  Yet, remember that aiming big is bonded with complex hardships.  So when you're in the edge of giving up, think back those that you want to achieve.  You are aspiring for a thing but how will reach it if with just one trial you're already giving up.  Keep in mind that there is no free success, everything is prepared and paid for. 

Still not motivated and determined? Check Nick Juvicic and you'll teary-eyed say "I'll never give up ... even if I failed a hundred times ... there'll still the 101st."

It'll be tomorrow. :)

We'll be celebrating our 2nd meaningful monthsary.  

I've got a date!. haha 

Iloveu my pillow ...

Happy Hearts Day

This was a blog for Valentines written a year ago, when my heart was still bouncing around.

Valentines are for celebrating the two hearts sharing one love.  So how about for singles?  Not applicable? One would really think that way.  But come to think of it, happy people should not only be coming from being in love with someone, most person do love a lot, I mean not just their special someone but also others dear to their hearts.  Whether its a good friend, childhood buddy, your all-time understanding family, kind-hearted and all out relatives, thinking how you love and care for them fulfills your special hearts day.

Am a floater at the moment. Alone. No commitment.  No strings attached.  Am I feeling better with this?

Whichever perspective I am looking, I still prefer being with someone. Whoever I be with the whole day, whatever I did, wherever I went, at the end of the day I will still go home to that special person and relate with contentment all the things that happened to me ~~ be it something she could be proud of or just about my clumsiness.  :) I want to be with someone.  Its like a craving for  food that I want to just remember the taste.  I want to show to someone how I am capable of loving, how I can take risks with that person, how would I make her feel that I love her.  I have done those things with my ex.  I loved her with everything I could give.  I took risk on loving her.  We've got plans and everything for our future~~ from aspired dispositions to mere house design details.   But I guess even the strongest relationship will fall when one involve will dumbfoundedly let go leaving the memories just for keeps.  As for every ending, we shouldn't take long holding the grief.  Rather, turn to the new chapter as new beginning in your life.  Learn from the past and apply it to your present to fulfill contentment in the future.

Summer's advocate

I've just finished watching 500 days of summer. I've managed to watch it between tight schedules.

This is not a love story...but a story about love.

I heart summer ... The devilish nasty girl she was for Tom, but the eye opener she had really been. If it weren't for Summer, Tom would still be stuck in his old dull life doing things he doesn't really like and not risk his chance for the thing he is really into ~~ like architectural stuff. Doing things we aren't sure of is like risking our comfort zone for happiness. No one said it is easy but no one also said you shouldn't try it. Risk for the things that would make you happy and contented. Nothing will be hard if you like what you're doing.

Summer had been the sweet little girl but with some attitude. For everyone, she is a girl used to do her own way not minding the people around her. She can sometimes be irrational with her perspective living independent is way better than mingling in a crowd and that love is just a nonsense emotion that would only hurt people (not looking on the other perspective that it could also mean life for others). She does things that interests her. She doesn't want to be stuck on a thing for a long time and wouldn't fulfill her dreams~~ that is boring for her. She really wants to live her life to the fullest. This is very contradicting with the personality of Tom, who had been very dependent on the things that would make him stable. He doesn't dare to risk pursuing architecture because he makes a living making greeting card quotes already. For him, loving is a fantasy that needs to be fulfilled. Every thing comes in line with fate.

Spark of chemistry came for Tom and Summer. Or is it just for Tom, and for Summer it had been a worth-knowing moments. Summer was so witty not committing to Tom before she is sure of Tom would be the one for her and Tom hadn't been, so she placed a period on it and left Tom hanging in his fantasies. It did hurt Tom so much. But is this, with this, that Summer should be the antagonist of the story, when she did is to make Tom realize so much things. That after their relationship, Tom really became a better person.

And as for Summer, she was very picky and observant for the things she dislike but atleast she did get the best .. *wink*. Or I hope so, 'cause the movie didn't told any much of it.

The movie exemplified that there can be really no fantasy and fate, and everything will be just coincidence. It could be. As fate is defined as the will or principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do, and coincidence as the occurrence of events that happen at the same time by accident but seem to have some connection. They just differ that coincidence is by accident and fate is not. But what if these accidents were just not really accidents. What if it was your fate like you've been late for 10 minutes and missed the plane that crashed during that flight. Accidents or not, all events happen for a reason. That could be justifiable when it happens and changed something in you. This could employ ending of a chapter in your life. Moreover to a life your are used to and won't want to change. You could be left in the middle of the situation and all you just want is to sit alone and reminisce how life had been. But if it weren't for worse endings, there won't be hopes for new beginnings.