Discrimination

I attended my class in Taxation for the first time last Saturday.  It was good seeing a familiar face for a professor, although he hadn't been really my professor before, I barely know his name but I have been seeing him at the faculty and along the business administration building premises. He was so accommodating.  He even chatted with us for a while, and me asking about my previous course.  He also came up with having a classmate in graduate school, Dr. Magno, a president of something on HSI and he was blabbing about something about him that I completely forgotten already (not an important thing).

He started the class asking about discrimination.  Few students answered including myself.  Well, I distinguished the word from prejudice and got a nice credit for it :).  He then started taking examples of how people are being discriminated.  Along came the gender, were he sampled being gay and lesbian is still like coming out of a nutshell and still doesn't fit in every community.  He also stated how gender issues affect work relations.  One example according to him is how lesbians are being not accepted for a saleslady work just by mere imagining how one would look like with makeup and a high heeled uniform, that he personally wouldn't want to see one in it.  See that's basically a discrimination although it is only for the sake of talking about the topic.  One probably good thing here is that no one in class is an obvious out of the two classic gender.  No obvious gays nor lesbians, maybe some discreet.  But at least no one, because it would have those awkward moments a professor explaining what he believe in front of a living example.  It somehow made me uncomfortable considering I am just few distance away from him and he keeps constant glances to us.  He was like seeking for my approval, what he did not know that I do belong to what he is indirectly criticizing. I sensed then here that it is really hard to stand for what you are.  If you want peace for yourself, you could be queer about who you are but would not be totally happy with it.

I then also realize that do I really prefer femmes over butches? Why is it because I could keep my discreet identity over those onlookers with wary eyes like reading your whole lifestory with basically what they see on you for just a few seconds? Do I sense that I also do any prejudism here. I reflected on this.  Yes I would do prefer a girl like me over someone who pretends to be a guy.  First, because one reason I like girls is because they are girls and not one pretending to be the other species.  Well I guess that will utterly make me a lesbian.  Second, I want someone who will share things with me and smile at me with her feminine acts.  Honestly I had a couple of past relationships with butches.  I don't personally know why but most obvious reason is I fell in love with them.  I would not engage in a relationship if I am not sure of the person.  I usually do check her first (being a detective here haha) to make sure that I'm into her.  It just happens that they are actually Bs.  I just widened my preferences.  You wouldn't really know who you'll love.  Lets just say for now, I'm crossing out the Bs on the list.  Give chance for exclusive girls! :)


Coming out and being proud -- this is what the LQBT is doing right now.  There is Love and Pride parades in different parts of the world exercising gay rights.  This is totally uncool for me.  I personally wouldn't want to be in that parade nor mingle with them.  I know for sure that I will feel awkward.  I am not ready -- yet.  I still want to mingle with the usual people and just few of my kind. 


In the future, though not sure if it'll be near or soon, I will still opt to wish that there will be fair treatment with all people here.  I know that wouldn't really exactly happen because it will still depend on what the situation calls.  Yet, it will be cool to feel you are yourself acting in normal wherever you will go.  No pretentions. :)

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fingers crossed. hope my cousin will be on my right group sales. please let it be God. thank you :)

Got this from a wallpost in FB:

"Don't tell people your problems.  80% don't care, and the other 20% are glad you have them."

Could be true. :) But then, who will you tell your problems then?  I might have lived with that as before, one reason is I just write my problems and heartaches when I've got no one to talk to.  In time, I learn to place solutions with it because I can check on it and my mind does being autopilot and answers sometimes just popped out of nowhere :)  Guess, this makes sense to me haha.

Stardust

I am watching another movie, one of those unusual type of movie that I prefer :)  Just as I am watching this that I have discovered it is actually a romantic one.  haha. It was just recommended to me by a guy friend, and I would have mistakenly thought that he might be referring to a different movie haha because this one is a romantic movie and obviously out of his league.  But then, maybe then, this is really it. :)  

Stardust 

There is nothing more beautiful and beyond love.  It is unconditional, but it can also be unpredictable, unbearable, unexpected and  uncontrollable.  Love can be the only reason you can live despite the trials, weakness and failures you meet everyday.  Love can also be a reason why you continue to struggle in your present even though you want to stay in your past.  When you love someone, it is always asking for nothing.  Not any gifts, material things nor celestial products, but just for the mere fact that that someone to love you too.  There is nothing more warmth to leave your lips and give off those sweetest words when saying, "I love you."  There is nothing more to wish for seeing the facade of the person you love smile backed at you and caused your world to stop even just for a few seconds.  There is nothing more holding that person's hands and knowing that there will be a squeeze of excitement enveloped with it.

The story evolved to an unexpected love just wandering around the corner.  Yes, as the main character had said that love can be unpredictable, you'll never know who your heart will beat for.  People who you might not think might be the one really for you.  Open your heart and not your eyes to see who the person really is.  If you love a person just because of physical features, beauty fades and so does your love.  Open the eyes of your heart to see the person inside, let it feel the glowing light whenever you are with the person.  If only we could be stars, glowing when we are happy, gloomy when we are sad. 

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Looking forward to meet you soon. I can see a your smile - makes me smile back.  Blurry but it will be clear in time soon. :)

i feel this ...

































empty.

got an interesting statement ... not sure if its an insult or a compliment for a person who relates. :)

Usually,

the person with 

more smiles is ...

... is the same person 

with more 

heartahces

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I am at starting all over again.  Starting from scratch.  Building a soon to be foundation.  Will I be able to finish my product.  I'm not sure.  I know I'll do this again more times. I guess that really what life is.  Continued search for who you really are and the people you want in it.

**heard the song that was played in one of the most happiest moment in my life -- could make me cry for the memories. :) an unforgettable valentine. Good thing it is with the happy memoirs of my life :) made me smile.

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got to read my law book. its 64pages and need to memorize some pages. ugghhh the boring thingy.

but still, i know i will do everything to pass this. haven't known a single soul personally that passed this once. haist. my seatmate is taking this 2nd time. and a friend took it 3times. lets see after this sem. >hopeful<

Movie watch

Eclipse is getting near on cinemas.  I'm still asking.  Would someone ask me to watch it with. :) Got no one on detail who to watch it with. A friend who previously asked me will obviously won't be watching it with me anymore because she happens to be back with her girlfriend again, so she's erased from the list.  Wanna watch it on the movie house.  The second book, New Moon, I've watched it with two dear DL friends.  The one I could count on with impulsive events.  After that, got drank but still managed to get home safe :)  But then, we're having a bit different paths to walk now.  I just can't ask them again to watch a movie with me haha! :)

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BOM done to a totally stranger. Common thing with us -- same school.  Feeling awkward on how to gain her trust but yet good in the sense I somehow gained an acquaintance that hopefully will be a friend. :)

Comedy in school

Bloopers for the week ... again :)

We were a minute late for our first subject this day.  We are going there for the first time because I was at the hospital last time.  So off we entered the room.  Curious eyes were laid following us as we both walk up (its like a mini auditorium were the seats were in stair-like flatforms) toward the opposite end for vacant chairs.  As we sat, we noticed the professor were talking about science, ecology, microbio ... and duh what was he talking about?? were supposed to be in business class.  Then it struck us. My sister checked the reg form and viola! We're in the wrong class! hahaha ... it was like so hot that time.  Our class is held in different room during mondays and wednesdays.  We've went to the Monday room but its actually Wednesday.  That's why they are staring at us.  I guess they are a block section that is full and no way new students would be in. hahaha... we quietly again creep at the back and hurriedly exited the room. whew. So much for 1st day and now we're so late for our REAL class. haha.

Choose in between

If I were to choose between the one I love or the one who loves me.  Obviously it would be the former.  But then if I am loving the wrong person, then I cannot choose on either.  Better to be on singlehood than hurting myself beyond my limit. :) 

Being in a relationship is really much better because you can have both worlds -- being in love and loved in return.  But then, it should end there, you cannot be in it when you'll just want comfort and security.  The opposite person will just be an assurance that you have someone on your side but never should be one  in front.

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classes tomorrow. now im starting to hate school. haist. but lets see tom, when i see my new soon-to-be-fave prof ... Dra Aquino, my accounting professor :)

I soo love Dr. House

I am watching Dr. House when I am not doing anything or just before sleeping.  Funny how it is somehow connected with L word. haha. There is one episode that Dr. House mentioned he is watching L word but on mute.  Then the recent episode I watched, there was Robin (in L word), she, as Emma, was pregnant here though the biological father is gay, she just got him as a sperm donor.  Connections connections. :)

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started downloading good movies. i think ill be back with doing movie critics ... :) just missed it.

Got a nice chat with a dear friend.

Thank you for keeping me busy just before this :) am sick but atleast you made me smile and laugh.
I am hoping too for that getaway to happen soon! my A and M friends :)

Thanks for the advice. Just needed someone to assure me of what right things I should do. Anyways, I'll keep those in mind.  Got a bright future ahead :)



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gotta learn to cut my own hair haha!

Never string a girl along. Sooner or later, her hands get raw from holding on and she’s forced to let go.


I like this :)

Pain is worth having.

A frequent quote forwarder passed this (ang sipag super)
I liked it alot. :)

Isn't it nice to find someone who will turn your heartaches into smile.
Someone who will rebuild your world better than before.
Someone who is worth loving.
Someone who can be yours.
and lastly, someone whom you can say,

"If having you is waiting and waiting is pain, then pain is worth having."


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i just hope i won't have to wait long for it. kinda impatient din :)
i wish mag morning na so then i have slept na, feel so sick pero i can't sleep. damn!

Happy Father's Day

happy father's day papa.
just want to tell you that and i'm lonely down here. :(
i feel so sick today. got fever and my head hurts. got a tummy ache too. acidity strikes back.

i just want to bring back, when i was little you used to make yummy soup for me when i dont feel good and tell me you love me when i dont feel happy. i just missed it.

i wish i'm just a kid not worrying anything but toys. :(


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:( i dont know if ill be able to go to school tomorrow. i just want to sleep forever. not to feel pain ...

A pen and a paper

The last thing I want to have with in my deathbed is a paper and pencil.  So I can draw and sketch the angels in front of me.  Their faces would matter.  It would drew a smile across my face and say the words ... "I'm  ready lets go ..."

Etch-A-Sketch

My life would be so complete if I'll have a day sketching portrays, enjoying every seconds of it.  A simple dream yet fulfilling the inside of me.  I wonder.  Will sitting under a shade sketching every beauty you see would be as enticing as I perceive it? mmmm .... I feel elated. Help me thru it.

I have sketched a beauty. Though the subject looked better on my paper.  I have seen a charcoal based portray and sketched it with a plain pen.  I would have loved it better if I'll have the real tools. But oh well, guess I wasn't made for it. 

 

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the title reminds me of a childhood toy.  my very own etch a sketch where i could make pictures of a house or scenery made of just combining lines through the gadget. its cool actually :)

How soon will it be?
For me to freely say,

"I still love you even we are fighting and you make me feel sad."



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hoping for future invites for my right group sales. :)

I just wonder if I am not trap with this.  I would be happy -- unconditionally.  But then, an imbalance of life.  So might as well deal with it.  In time, I will overcome it.  I hope so. 






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i missed talking to pillow.one who really listens to my whinings :)

My heart beats who ...

I am in between again.  Much like just jobs but in this sense -- its my heart's work.  A past commitment ended and I'm now floating around although not looking for a new one.  Can I just ask you my heart? Do you really want to have short ones and not those long lasting like my mind intended to?  The answer could not be on both.  There are thousands of statements to be spoken to give light to this query.  Either way, I still took part of the sad ending.  One should be on constant monitoring and not just gain assurance for a lasting relationship.  There are two parties committing for one reason -- to love unconditionally.  Would that include loving even there is absence?  I'm in abyss with this, I for sure don't know what to answer -- or I just deny the experience.  I have learned again from this recent experience.  Just as I am still looking for who I really am in this whole life and just as I will still look for it through these years -- the essence why we still goes on with our life, we search continuously for who we really want us to be.  

When will it be? That I will looking forward to the day when I will meet you.  Unknowingly or even intentionally.  The person that I will share my remaining life with.  The one who will make me happy, lift me up when I'm down and comfort me when all I want to do is cry.  I don't care who you are but as long as I know that I will love you wholeheartedly I know I will give it all.  I know I will be ready to compromise something, to bargain a lot of things and to fight with lots of arguments.  Don't worry, I am the kind  that would opt to be submissive to my special someone when I know it would be better for both of us.  Just don't push me to my limits because we know you won't like it.  

 I can say I am again not ready for a new one.  History is at present.  I don't want to spoil the future.  Give me time to bring back the norm for myself and I will be open to accept someone new again.

A professor asked what does quality means, I dumbfoundedly raised a hand and answered the question.  It is a set of standard made to justify a certain aspect.  He liked it, so much for my first day and I hope it will continue with the every meeting we'll have.  :)  Now let's relate it to me.  Personally, I am not setting qualities for my special someone.  I see the person through her heart.  How that would relate to me, her very own character and how she deals with life and me.  Because if I'll set standards then I will have expectations from her that if will not be met then problems will start.  I will see her imperfections then.  One golden rule for a lasting relationship is mind yet love those little imperfections for those make the person perfect in your eyes.

Honestly, I like it better when I am with someone.  It gives me happiness to ask someone if she loves me. :) I feel better when I make someone smile with my natural clumsiness.  But then there are just some things that cannot be patched up whatever you do.  You just have to go on to the next day to keep yourself still.  When a relationship ends, I just want that somehow I have touched her life on the positive side and lift her up to a brighter future even indirectly.  As for me, I know I will on the brighter side.  I expect to see those experiences as a learning point to serve as a guide with my tomorrow :).  I am often a pessimist but I am glad I have people around that tells me the positive one, even if I somehow know that they don't really mean it, still it means something to me :).

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If loving you makes me happy ... then I wish my heart would be made of steel, so then to really keep me to be happy.

RN x 3!

I am officially and proud to say I am an RN.   First, as a Registered Nurse here in Philippines. Second, as a Registered Nurse in US (although it is still on process for visascreen).  Then the last, just recently I branched out and entered a field I am not sure of. I took risk on a field far from my expertise.  My waterloo -- talking in front of other people.  But then, for the sake of taking risk to improve myself and gaining financial freedom (yeah!) I've set a foot in it.  For the third, I am now a Registered Networker!

For the latter, I can see results within a short span of time.  I am on the side of being optimistic with this.  Hope this will gain fruitful results to look for.

I gained a friend back and I am so happy with it. Its like I'm back to my old life though differently.  Still, I feel floating with a smile. :)

Not Your Ordinary Personality Test

Instructions:
1. Open this website : http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
2. Take the Personality Quiz (it's VERY short and easy, really)
 :)

and I got this result.  Mm, words sounded liked me haha. 

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

That day is finally here

My hand haunt yours.  But the intention is pure warmth and none of the past I longed before. I may have cared less.  I may have the tongue that say not all good.  Don't you see it is still me.  I have changed as what is said to be constant with everything.  Or did I just really changed because yesterday led me to.  It may pinch your heart in an unsoothing way, but I can now really say ... your not my main character anymore. 

When times you feel ironic between my mind and heart.  Bear with what situation we are into.  I am still this old me, the least want is for you to be hurt.  With that, it doesn't mean being an item is the option.  I've accepted you in my script again to be just the very best supporting actress there is.  We have been with this chapter few times before.  Lets just say, I have met the limit with browsing it again.  I am the verge on moving to the next chapter with you not as the main character.  Well, could still be one of the main but we are seeing it in a different perspective.  I have seen again one thing -- you will not really change after all. 

I pity myself with what I've seen.  It had been so easy for you to get me out of the screen.  I envy your leading actress now you couldn't just piss her out with one snap.  It got me thinking though,  did you really loved me after all.  Funny, its like I am looking on a different love story - cannot feel any relevant emotions. 

That day I had hoped and longed before is finally here.  It didn't had any pretensions.  It is different from the previous ones before.  I know this time the feeling is right.  With the goal set in front of me, it will serve as my guide not to trip down again. 



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hoping that i will have lots of invites for bom.