I am in between again. Much like just jobs but in this sense -- its my heart's work. A past commitment ended and I'm now floating around although not looking for a new one. Can I just ask you my heart? Do you really want to have short ones and not those long lasting like my mind intended to? The answer could not be on both. There are thousands of statements to be spoken to give light to this query. Either way, I still took part of the sad ending. One should be on constant monitoring and not just gain assurance for a lasting relationship. There are two parties committing for one reason -- to love unconditionally. Would that include loving even there is absence? I'm in abyss with this, I for sure don't know what to answer -- or I just deny the experience. I have learned again from this recent experience. Just as I am still looking for who I really am in this whole life and just as I will still look for it through these years -- the essence why we still goes on with our life, we search continuously for who we really want us to be.
When will it be? That I will looking forward to the day when I will meet you. Unknowingly or even intentionally. The person that I will share my remaining life with. The one who will make me happy, lift me up when I'm down and comfort me when all I want to do is cry. I don't care who you are but as long as I know that I will love you wholeheartedly I know I will give it all. I know I will be ready to compromise something, to bargain a lot of things and to fight with lots of arguments. Don't worry, I am the kind that would opt to be submissive to my special someone when I know it would be better for both of us. Just don't push me to my limits because we know you won't like it.
A professor asked what does quality means, I dumbfoundedly raised a hand and answered the question. It is a set of standard made to justify a certain aspect. He liked it, so much for my first day and I hope it will continue with the every meeting we'll have. :) Now let's relate it to me. Personally, I am not setting qualities for my special someone. I see the person through her heart. How that would relate to me, her very own character and how she deals with life and me. Because if I'll set standards then I will have expectations from her that if will not be met then problems will start. I will see her imperfections then. One golden rule for a lasting relationship is mind yet love those little imperfections for those make the person perfect in your eyes.
Honestly, I like it better when I am with someone. It gives me happiness to ask someone if she loves me. :) I feel better when I make someone smile with my natural clumsiness. But then there are just some things that cannot be patched up whatever you do. You just have to go on to the next day to keep yourself still. When a relationship ends, I just want that somehow I have touched her life on the positive side and lift her up to a brighter future even indirectly. As for me, I know I will on the brighter side. I expect to see those experiences as a learning point to serve as a guide with my tomorrow :). I am often a pessimist but I am glad I have people around that tells me the positive one, even if I somehow know that they don't really mean it, still it means something to me :).
======================
If loving you makes me happy ... then I wish my heart would be made of steel, so then to really keep me to be happy.
