I attended my class in Taxation for the first time last Saturday. It was good seeing a familiar face for a professor, although he hadn't been really my professor before, I barely know his name but I have been seeing him at the faculty and along the business administration building premises. He was so accommodating. He even chatted with us for a while, and me asking about my previous course. He also came up with having a classmate in graduate school, Dr. Magno, a president of something on HSI and he was blabbing about something about him that I completely forgotten already (not an important thing).
He started the class asking about discrimination. Few students answered including myself. Well, I distinguished the word from prejudice and got a nice credit for it :). He then started taking examples of how people are being discriminated. Along came the gender, were he sampled being gay and lesbian is still like coming out of a nutshell and still doesn't fit in every community. He also stated how gender issues affect work relations. One example according to him is how lesbians are being not accepted for a saleslady work just by mere imagining how one would look like with makeup and a high heeled uniform, that he personally wouldn't want to see one in it. See that's basically a discrimination although it is only for the sake of talking about the topic. One probably good thing here is that no one in class is an obvious out of the two classic gender. No obvious gays nor lesbians, maybe some discreet. But at least no one, because it would have those awkward moments a professor explaining what he believe in front of a living example. It somehow made me uncomfortable considering I am just few distance away from him and he keeps constant glances to us. He was like seeking for my approval, what he did not know that I do belong to what he is indirectly criticizing. I sensed then here that it is really hard to stand for what you are. If you want peace for yourself, you could be queer about who you are but would not be totally happy with it.
I then also realize that do I really prefer femmes over butches? Why is it because I could keep my discreet identity over those onlookers with wary eyes like reading your whole lifestory with basically what they see on you for just a few seconds? Do I sense that I also do any prejudism here. I reflected on this. Yes I would do prefer a girl like me over someone who pretends to be a guy. First, because one reason I like girls is because they are girls and not one pretending to be the other species. Well I guess that will utterly make me a lesbian. Second, I want someone who will share things with me and smile at me with her feminine acts. Honestly I had a couple of past relationships with butches. I don't personally know why but most obvious reason is I fell in love with them. I would not engage in a relationship if I am not sure of the person. I usually do check her first (being a detective here haha) to make sure that I'm into her. It just happens that they are actually Bs. I just widened my preferences. You wouldn't really know who you'll love. Lets just say for now, I'm crossing out the Bs on the list. Give chance for exclusive girls! :)
Coming out and being proud -- this is what the LQBT is doing right now. There is Love and Pride parades in different parts of the world exercising gay rights. This is totally uncool for me. I personally wouldn't want to be in that parade nor mingle with them. I know for sure that I will feel awkward. I am not ready -- yet. I still want to mingle with the usual people and just few of my kind.
In the future, though not sure if it'll be near or soon, I will still opt to wish that there will be fair treatment with all people here. I know that wouldn't really exactly happen because it will still depend on what the situation calls. Yet, it will be cool to feel you are yourself acting in normal wherever you will go. No pretentions. :)
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fingers crossed. hope my cousin will be on my right group sales. please let it be God. thank you :)
