Roadtrip

We're going on a road trip this Christmas break.  It will be fun although I'm not that enthusiastic for it'll be definitely butt-aching long ride.  A two day trip to the province.  Thinking about it, makes me think about going on a plane instead.  But we'll be bringing a lot of stuff  so we will use the van.  A month or two ago, it was set that if we use the van to go, the dogs will come.  I know Dulce is excited about it.  She loves going out riding a car.  She gets excited and would pose a moment as if telling me go and dress me up, we will go out! She knows how to go up the van when the sliding door is open and hops up in every seat.   As this month approached, pity we can't bring her for a reason >.< This add to why I'm not excited going on to the road trip anymore.

Spam

11/20/10 ~~Spam

Having Spam Musubi at Spam in MOA was just an accident.  We were just looking for a place to sit for a while as I write a card for an Aunt.  We ordered Spam Musubi for snacks just to try it.  A very handy snack, in which I got to know is a favorite and popular in Hawaii.  It is a thick slice of regular Spam sided with cooked rice, squared then belted with the Nori or seaweed wrap used for the korean Gimbap.

Everyone who likes Spam will definitely like this, the ham plus rice and the defined taste of the seaweed that blends with the ham which was surprisingly not too salty can make you order for another one. :) And it's not that expensive.  For  more or less 40pesos you'll have a good snack inclusive of drinks.

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FOODTRIP every week! We extended our variety of food to munch on.  

Peanut Butter Co.

11/20/10 ~~ Peanut Butter Co.

Peanut butter everywhere ... on the menu! All those peanut butter lovers, this is really worth a try.  This can bring you back to childhood.  When you are used to waking up and having peanut butter on sandwich and sometimes with jelly.  I used to love the melting peanut butter on my hot pancake and munching it whole in my mouth.  Kinda messy, I know. :) But I love it!  And now I've met a store with not just typical sandwich filled with PB, but all in the menu.
  
To some, this may be an odd addendum for the usual food we usually dine for.  But this may strike curiosity and additional craving for feisty food lovers.

The menu is a variety from pastas to sandwiches and a few appetizers.  One could also indulge to their milkshakes and soda floats, in which the float is inclusive of vanilla ice cream blended with your choice of soda.

Peanut butter mixed on a curry dish? Moreover as a sauce to pasta.  Weird for some, but totally delectable for me. :)  The strong taste of the curry is savored with the sweet taste of peanut butter which kind of deviated the strong near chili taste of the curry into a milder tangy flavor that wrapped the pasta.  The consistency was just right, not really saucy yet not too sticky.  Good for sharing and you won't get the feeling of over fed up with the quantity.

My personal favorite here is the Marshmallow PB Sandwich.  The melted mallows over the creamy peanut butter sandwiched between toasted wheat-bread is enough for me to drool and crave over it after a week.  Tasting it will make you go mmmh...hmmmm. Speechless. haha! Remembering the taste of the creamy sweet filling oozing (yes oozing haha) between the crunchy bread got me to long for it. Definitely perfect for sweets lover and up to a new kind of treat over the weekend.  

I'll definitely see myself entering their doors again. :) Gonna try another dish!

Dare to try something different and off the usual menu... foodtrip!

Dare to try something different and off the usual menu.

Me and my angel committed to do foodtrip atleast once a week.  A form of unwinding and at the same time to bond.  We just usually go to a mall or somewhere where we craved for food and just order til we please our oral cravings.  I'm kinda heavy eater and good thing I don't easily gain the extra weight.  It just go somewhere out hehe.

11/18/10 ~~ Mang Raul

Good food need not to be expensive.  Mang Raul can aim high attest to that! :)  Mang Raul's isawan is in BF Almanza Las Pinas City and definitely a must-try!

I forgot the world for a while tasting the unruly delectable tangy taste of isaw baboy.  I wouldn't eat it personally if just on my own.  But my angel took me there telling me good stuff about Mang Raul's specialty.  And heaven yes, it's truly good.  It was also my first time to eat those and at the same time with rice.  It was pleasantly placed on a bbq stick unlike the usual appearance of it from the street food vendors.  Here, it is cut into small chunks in which one can see that the inside of these intestines are visibly cleaned.  The raw isaw is first glazed or even dipped into Mang Raul's specialty sauce then barbequed to low fire.  There is also a distinction between Mang Raul's sauce from the other vendors, which will make you crave for it more. 

I was just a bit disappointed with the Isaw Manok, I think I had expected more with it.  Even had compared it with the isaw manok we used to it at BF Resort.  Guess they just have their own specialties. 

======================

Can I just say ... I miss you so oh much Mang Raul ... I'm craving for the taste again of the isaw baboy oooohhh

I was scanning her facebook friends looking for someone when one unknown person caught my eye and curve on my lips.  I really wanted to post some pictures of that person that made me into big smiles haha landi! but nope, cannot.  Scanned her pics.  I would love to add her up but then I don't want to, I can't.  lol. ironic. Instead, I opened my aging account in DL, well haven't opened it for a while and was thinking for deleting it before.  I'll try my luck to search for her on it.  Although I'm not sure how would I find her, she would definitely use some nick.  I did tried my luck with the name she used in FB and guess I'm pretty lucky with it haha.  Her primi pic was the same as her pic in FB.  I can add her up here :) haha pretentious me, just wanted to have some connections probably for future references, me and my detective mind.  It's not that I'll do something about it.  

I then realized, scanning her albums.  She looked like her.  ohh please she would tease me with this ... again. Its random, I just noticed.  Made my night.  Really. 

Just made my mind off to a foreseeable problem I'm into.  Was just informed week before I might have inherited a family disease.  I hope not, though signs are visible ~~ previously made fun by some people due to it being different.  I hate taking medicines, especially those yucky tasting ones.  Ironically, it will be part of the solution to this problem. 

starve to death

Night is starting and its definitely time for dinner.  Am home alone.  Got only rice as cooked food.  No viand yet.  I feel helpless.  I can't think of what to cook, nor how to do those.  Scanned the ref for the ingredients, then ohhh I dunno how to do it.  Just thinking I'll fry chicken makes me wanting to skip dinner.  Maybe I'll have cereals or better yet, oatmeal.

And I've just received that ate Lisa will be here in more than an hour, hopeful :)  But then wouldn't be embarrassing knowing that I've waited for her to have my dinner.  :(  why didn't I really liked cooking.  I really don't. In fact I hate it!  I hate it I'm being lousy at it.  LET ME DO ANYTHING EXCEPT ... COOKING!



Well I did cooked adobo.  There's one thing I didn't do.  Taste it before letting off fire.  Good thing it passed with my taste buds.  haha.














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can i just say i'm excited toward the end of this month.  someone asked me out. :) well a friend asked me to go to the movies.  i'm looking forward to it. hope it won't be broken. >.<

A house lizard made some sound noise last night.  What would it be? Excited with a blessing that would come.

Some mails arrived today.  One supposed to be interesting mail was the mail from US embassy stating the approval of the petition for my dad by her sister.  Me and my sister are also included.  It would only take few months then we'll be out here. 

Unfortunately, it wouldn't happen.  My dad passed away years ago.  Since he is the primary applicant and us as his dependents, it would automatically be rejected.  Sad.  This might be what my dream few days ago meant. 

It was a long dream and a heavy one.  There was a story though I barely remembered.  It was like a gloomy event, there was a commotion then there was a fire.  There was something blurry here, I don't understand or I might clearly remember what the situation had been.  Papa was there but he somehow I know he already died.  Weird thing is, his death there had been connected with the fire.  Or might be because there are things not clear to me then with that situation.  Still, the feeling was gloomy and depressing.  I woke up crying -- hard. Missed him so much.  Haven't told anyone.  It's been a long time since I dreamt of him. 

Bum's life, that is just for a while, had always been so good.  After a stressful week, nothing pays more than bit being followed by relaxing days.  Except for those boring plus idle moments.  Literally the whole day, being online playing Aika with random parties for a while then with Kutsie and her bandmates.  Really made my day, though I did just spent the time at home.  Can't go out. >.< 

Mariiaaaaa... Ave Mariaaa.

i like the song ... i love the movie!

seen this before, wanna watch it again. gonna dl it after i finish the glitch in my lappie.

200 pounds beauty.



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help me find the answer, to solve my problem.
help me find the solution, even if its just an alternative.
help me find what i need, even if its not i previously want.

hope i could find what should i do with my ojt, conflict subjects and not offered subjects.

:(

Love The Way You Lie (Joseph Vincent) (Eminem ft. Rihanna) Cover

I like Steph, the girl who covers this. Hope she'll be famous soon enough! :) This is so relaxing and  ... depressing.  Although I don't personally like the message the song conveys.  So martir!  Been there, done that.  I can say its not healthy, things just pile up and you won't like to what it could grown to.

Anyhow, hope I could find this :

"somewhere between heartaches and waiting, comes the chance to be found by someone who can show you that you don't have to be just an option and reliever, but the choice."

Times comes for everything.  I just have to wait for that time.  And if that didn't come, I hope the better alternative will be an option and it will be any time soon.  

I feel I am getting old, well maybe matured.  I wanted to start everything I wanted ~~ career, life, love.  I wanna build my existence in this world, give my contribution and not just on the stage of preparing it all.  

off: I wanna settle down, have a career, and be with someone at my side whatever I'm in to.  Someone I could talk with everything inside me.  Someone who will dearly listen to me consistently and just for times of boredom.  Someone who will love me as me.

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Had been hell of a week that passed and I am utterly happy that its ending. 

I'm starting to breathe smoothly now. :) the week is nearly over, the tight schedule is nearly exiting. The last toxic night was last night (just hope so), I slept around 4 in the morning for a final requirement and had to wake up early to continue it.  Sakit sa ulo nun! But thank you Lord its done. :) I was supposed to study for the two math exams, Taxation then Accounting.  But failed to do it because of Quantitative Technique requirement. :( I just hope I did good at Taxation exam, badly needed the damn grade.  

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my night's quiet. the friendly boy suitor still persists on communication.  I am still not open with it.  I might really got offended with what he commented. urgh. Hope to talk to someone, I'm getting empty.

ooohhh i lost the supposed to be me under the umbrella picture.  :( gone. anyways, there'll be more. sooon. :)

i'm up mid early morning.  supposed can have more sleep 'cause doesn't have classes nor exams today.  but i opt to get up to send my resume to some prospect company for my OJT this coming semester. I'm in limbo if I'll continue and be excited for the multinational companies and good exposure I'll be getting, or I'll move to another way with a smaller company with lesser expectations.  For the former, they may expect more of me and will be of more stressful environment.  The latter, may have lax surrounding and lesser experience.  I've had my second thoughts, but still the first should go first :). Go straight forward and hey just bring it on! I'm here for experience and not just to finish some damn requirements.  One thing I'm looking forward with this internship is the addition of new door of opportunity that may open again and be added to the options I'm currently having.  Plan A of my life has been put to this tight competition that I my self initiated. 

A good thing? I hope so.

I wish, I wish for Deutsche Bank, Lufthansa German Airlines, Continental Temic or even Philippine Airlines to let me join their team even just for a while, be good to me and provide me a meaningful and fruitful experience with this internship.

Honor and Excellence (Prof. Monsod's last lecture to her class)

We've survived ... cool!

Hell weeks passing by and we've survived it.  Sleepless nights, clashing minds, running out of time, impossible professors, and unnerving members of the group.  We're getting off it.  It'll be over tomorrow. :)

Every hard work done did really paid off.  The defense presentation that were done were commented of excellence.  Got exempted for Finals on Labor Relations, and prided with excellence on the paper for Productivity and Quality Tools. We're the only group that the professor commented that will definitely get the highest grade plus no revisions. :) He even asked me to send him a copy of our presentation.  It would be a good one for filing.  We will all definitely pass that subject.  It was a matter of pass or fail for my other members, if the requirement is bad, some will definitely see our professor again -- next sem.  Good thing our efforts was seen and did really payed off. I am so happy. :) The other members can have a higher assurance of passing and I can pass with flying colors on that subject.

 We are just waiting for the other presentation on one subject.  It was supposed to be due today, but my looked up professor snapped for believing we have stood her class this morning.  It was understandable for she's having the feeling that most of the class were prioritizing their other subjects.  But could she be a little bit more reasonable, we are having a hell time due to the newly implemented ELGA where there are specific final requirements for every subjects we are taking.  It was very tiring and not friendly on our pocket.  She snapped previously to us that we'll get a zero on finals.  Kinda ironic because we were calculating if we will pass if we did got zero on that paper -- its 70% of our finals grade :(.  We may pass but will reflect an undeserved grade on our records.  Well she did gave us another chance for presenting our final requirement, -- tomorrow at 7am SHARP. No late or else. No thinking twice for this.  We should be prepared! I'll sleep super early tonight.  To regain those sleepless nights and to wake up so early tomorrow.

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can't hide my happiness :) i'm making it high. thank you my professor for telling me it'll be on my hands whether y other group members will pass or fail because i really did put all efforts on it and it paid off!!!

happy but not happy?

I am happy, but I'm not supposed to be happy.  Things at present are not supposed to mean happy.  I might feel elated at times.  The connection again is open, much more than just open -- its active.  Advices deemed not to go back, my heart will soon compromise again.  But my mind does the autopilot, how would I know again to control me. 

Life's like yesterday again.  The last chance is sought, but this last chance was already given -- from the last time it was sought that's not today.  The heart still see that old future.  The heart tries to inculcate it to the mind.  But mind may know much better -- the knowledge of reality.  Reality where no happy ending exists, not when you know where to end it.


I may be happy.  But not completely happy.  I stand at one side of the frame, waiting for one that will complete the other side.  One that may fit well, not just for the feeling and convenience.  Most especially not the one who thinks do fit well.


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Someone asked me for coffee. I would love to say yes.  I'm dying to just sit outside and babble for hours.  But ooppss, can we do it when I have time.  And it will be in the near soon. :)

Toxic weekdays, busy schedules, late sleep time, short hours of sleep, have to wake up early, autopilot morning... I'm being stuffed by this.  Good thing it'll be off in two weeks, then another new battle to the outside world begins  -- OJT.  And in the midst of all those, I still get to blog this! haha.

I'm getting impatient with some groupmates on a major subject.  Yeah you have other stuff to work on with but let me remind you, we need a polished and good presentation to get the better grade you guys need.  As for me, I can pass with just the attendance grade this finals.  I blew it on her face but in just a better way, I'm not that mean.

Will assign the hard computation to another member whose not really participating and just presenting himself to do the printing of the paper.  Heller, can I just tell the prof to just print your grade in the paper.  Doing lousy excuses to escape from the workload.  Too bad you really look up to me and I can see that.  But bit by bit you're starting to get on my nerves. You'll know the verdict this friday, I'll send the data for the computation.  Ooohhh I'll wait for a post in the FB newsfeed 'bout it.

So much for this week.  Seen students who are supposed to learn but taking those for granted then regret in the finals that they should have done better in the prelims.  Anyways, its their life to mold not mine, why bother. 



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off to a company visit. hope will be a success. keen eyes and ears are needed to see the flaws and make room for improvement.  Quality assurance can sometimes be a burden.

1 down 3 to go!

1 down! -- although partially. -.-  still needs to edit the powerpoint presentation with the professor's revision and comments plus the fact that we still need to go to the company's office for pictures. But finally the final defense are officially complete but yes there are still 3 requirement papers to struggle.  I wish mid october is here, so I will have the school break. I want to enjoy the simple things I am leaving behind because of school.  Wanna unwind before the next semester starts, which would definitely be more gruesome than at present.








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i'm just on lunch break but no class til 230pm. will have a short nap. zzzzzz

I smile with tax

I'm blewing off my Taxation subject.  I know with my self I'm definitely learning but why I'm getting those grades, why are we getting those grades?? Panira ng classcard! Although gleam of hope flashed in front of me after I've talked with my professor.  Just a small chitchat and we told him we're second coursers and I definitely want to pass this subject.  He said that he do observes that I specifically know what he is teaching the class.  For the every questions he asks me I manage to get on the right track of answers if I'm not hitting the real answers and definitely I can follow what he is talking about.  Then he asked what happened, why with some failing exams.  The theories may be easy perceiving in our seats to the blackboard he teaches us but application distracts your mind and the lessons are now unsure.  The topics are really hard to put in to situations.  Moreover, his exercises and quizzes given may sometimes be different from the examples he gave with the topics he taught.  It was difficult for us to inculcate on our minds the right rules and regulations for every type of taxpayers and the kind of VAT a person must pay if its mixed with different or even out of this world situations!!  

My aunt told me before, I could earn salaries for just computing taxes in the US. But duh! If it'll be like this grueling topics and application of those are totally hard, one mistake with the idea or ruling, every computation you made won't even matter. Anyways, I do enjoy learning the principles of taxation, I think I just need time to inculcate every detail of it on my mind and I might say, 'viola!' I know it by heart. haha. I wish! Its harder than accounting.  And now I just wonder, how would my present classmates in accounting who are having way below failing grades cope with taxation when they enroll it in their future semesters.  I could just say, goodluck and ready your mind and money?(you might take it not just once.)

My professor did assure me I can pass if I'll just improve my exam scores and if he sees the class standing is quite improving, though still failing, he could lower the mean passing score from 60 to 55.  Then many would probably pass. I just hope I would improve if not excel in this final term.  I just don't want a failing grade in my records.  I couldn't accept it. :(  Gotta memorize all the principles with those damn VAT related everything!

If I pass I will definitely celebrate!!!

So help me God. :)

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its late, midnight.  Hope my returnee friend gets home safe from a farm hehe.

Goodnyt my blog :) enjoyed writing this. :) mwah!

My baby will be having her birthday next month!

It'll be special. She's turning SEVEN! 

Dulce :)

Eaten

My heart softens, my mind exempts

Little I let you in again,

I had been a friend in deed -- yet again.

You showed signs of warmth,
showed the feeling of the old us.

Slowly the resistance flew out of sight,

but still there is something not right.

Perhaps, its just both of us changed.

Part of me wants a new start,
part of me says new with 'not with you'.
But unconsciously its still 'with you',
It has always been. 
What should i do? what would i do?
Signs, please lay in front of me.

Caution, my brain shouts!
Just be you, heart consoles,
Am i being uncertain?
I just don't want to run in circles again.

I never knew what to expect tomorrow,
I just dream of my happy ending
Though I know in reality it does not exist
It will never exist,
But hey, let me just dream.

Sick and somber. Wanna be engulfed by my bed for good. Bad headache, body malaise, sore throat, nagging cough. Sounds like flu? Yeah. But definitely not swine.

I wander

My mind wanders, my heart suddenly rushed on dreams, I want to do a lot of things. I suddenly become wary. Its like I wanted badly to paint, I urged to start my plans to be part of Thomson-Reuters, a well defined multi-national company and I wanted those abrupt. This excites me, I may actually materialize my plans for the latter in a few months, well with the company. I am crossing my fingers tight that I can have my OJT with it.

As for the latter, I'm kinda financially incompetent for it right now so I'll just have to wait, still got these damn braces to pay.

Goodbye :)

Saying goodbye isn't always a devastating one.  It may mean ending what you have been accustomed of.  Cutting the connection you don't want to let go.  It was never so easy for me, but this time I have brought down my decision.  I am firm with this.  Saying goodbye that would mean for good.  This saying goodbye is a good one. 

Let's just say I have seen the other perspective that although you have held one of the biggest space in my heart, I have awaken from that dream where it will still always be you and me.  Reality bit me hard, and slapped me with its big aching hand.  But then I also realized that I should do something and move forward.  Because if I don't, it will just keep going on a cycle, we will be together then tomorrow not.  I realized I grew tired of it.  There is small trivial pain clinging to those unhappy and unrelenting moments and eventually its growing to a big pile of hatred and bitterness.  It is starting to let out and I am not liking it.  I have said this to you and yes obviously you did not liked it, it hit your ego but I just showed you the reality the way I see it.

Saying goodbye means real goodbye.  I did cut connections, complicated at first but I'm sure soon it will be like we haven't met each other. It will be for the best -- especially for me. 

If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life... were you alone? Life's better with company.

this would be one of my sad birthdays. i dunno, i can just feel it.

Happy birthday to me tomorrow. haist.

Doing some self study with digital photography.  Kinda liked what I did. Although there is still a big room for improvements. :) I was aiming for something more dramatic haha. Less color filled yet strong features of this subject so in a way to let out the emotions she was portraying to.  I hope i brought it out somehow.  I want for the observer to feel the emptiness of the subject.  Emotions indeed :)

now I just need a good cam for shots and I think i'm good to go :)

goodnews and badnews to my birthday

its going to be my birthday after two days. -- and i feel down, sad, empty. what else??

I woke up with a couple of text messages, two from my mom telling me about my petition in Canada and for me to go online. Well, I did. And there, it struck me the BAD news.

I got denied for the petition. They were asking stuff like what I did for the last 08 and 09. But i already stated it in details on the form that they sent me. I am so down with this. I really do want to go there, although it had me thinking for sometime. Do i really want to be in there? I'll be again stuck with my family. In which, I am starting to want to be more independent. I am on my early adulthood right now. I need to stand on my two feet without them accompanying me.  Although I will definitely be kinda homesick again (i cry when i miss everyone who used to be in our house when i was younger).

Another form of rejection. Haist.

As me and my mom are talking about it.  I checked my email and viola! CGFNS sent me a message confirming my address details.  Got my visascreen! wootwoot. It is not actually yet the final verdict but next will be the final result. :) This is the GOOD news. I have waited and hoped for this for around two months already.  Previously, because my Illinois license took time to be accomplished and now cgfns have received it :) weeee

And both of these came nearly just minutes apart. What would i suppose to feel?? i still feel empty i guess.

Got no one to share it with. 

I am hoping someone or something will utterly make me smile this week. Not just a short simple smile, but that thing that will dig down to my unfilled heart.  God, make me feel that. :) I know everything will fill the right places in the right time, but I hope this will be the right time.

Got no plans for my birthday. If i could just make it pass by just like an ordinary day. I personally would want to do something different this day. But what is it? Hope someone will make me smile on this day.  I know someone who will, but i don't think she is suppose or will do.  Not even worth it.

A day with Claude

Sohtoordaii          August siete, twenty 10

I did something, I haven't thought I really would. -- Cut classes, my 3 hour Law class.  Sheesshh, I'll just have to study double for those couple of chapters that I missed. But I'm a bit worried with the recitation, basically the grade revolves with it with Law. haha

Anyway ditching class was worth it.  I went to Pasig to watch the concert GFI put up.  Parokya ni Edgar woohoo! :) Definitely one that shouldn't be missed.  

That day was worth it. I get to unwind.  Hang out for a while in Shangrila with one of my closest friend :).  Just missed her.

Made me cry :( i realized i love my life.

There are things that could mean little or even nothing to you but could mean the world for another.  

We went earlier to our Business Policy and Strategy class.  We will surprise our professor Ms. Guerra.  It is actually her 60th birthday days before, well its better late than never :).  The class was really promptly beautiful, with party decorations. Small balloons filled the front, a cake with long thin sparkler candles, and a musical candle that sings happy birthday tune.  The room was dimmed and we seated while waiting for her to come.  My classmates even covered the glass window on the doors for her not to see -- might spoil our little surprise :).

There she opened it.  She just stood there, like weighing if she'll come in.  A warm heartful smile covered her face.  She really liked it.  It was actually what we expected -- to make her smile.  For the month we've been with her, she seemed to project that intimidating aura around her.  Yes she makes us laugh at her jokes but there is still the decent reputable image that tells us she is something.  That we should respect her.  

The lady that entered the room seemed to be a different one.  She was all smiles and was not really like our professor.  She seemed blacken out of what to say to us.  I had the idea that she would just thank us for our witty surprise then go on to proceed to our lesson for this day.  But then, she actually thanked us.  She just sat there then opened up to us.  She unraveled the what seemed permanent mask she had been portraying.  She spoke her heart out.  

You cannot really have both worlds.  There will still be something that will be missing.  Yes, every human has no contentment until he realize that no contentment idea and be contented with what he really have, there he will have the most.  Our professor, lets just say she have reached the prime of her life.  She have traveled around the world, met lots of big people and have obtained the luxury for the material things a woman could wished for.  She actually owns several houses and a 15hectar farm, much for calling her haciendera.  Other would really envy her status.  She could actually leave teaching and still have a prosperous life with her other sources of income.  She is now on her retirement age, I could say that ishe had pretty attained the success in life one could wish.  But then, that are just all facade of what she is.  She is full of material things on the outside but widely empty on the inside.  She had been successful not just by herself, she made her siblings to finished a degree and even struggled to help them to attain on who they are now.  Some prominent person on different parts of the world.  She helped her parents live a life in the US.  When you look at her status, you can tell she have it all.  But to her, it is all bluff.  She have no one.  

She actually stayed single.  So much for keeping the struggle to attain her status now.  She was from a poor family, from a poor little town.  That kept her to pursue her dreams.  She prioritized her career and her family, made no time to find that someone that could stay by her side no matter what.  She confessed she didn't even felt how to love the real love one could offer her better half.  Way back, boys for her are just nothing.  That they could tell you charms and everything nice and sweet but then they could be like that to another girl when you're not around.  Probably she had lived with that presumption and didn't gave her heart the chance to feel how is it to be loved and to love back.  Those sweet nothings and even petty quarrels lovers had.  She was focused with the idea to fight poverty that she lost track of her time.  She kidded was born Ms. Leah Guerra and will die Ms. Leah Guerra.  She had aged.  

She was for a while thinking how great she had been with what she had attain.  Then struck her that she is now actually 60 years old.  On her retirement age.  Her life had passed by.  She had everything yet no one to share it with.  She is alone and somber in her big house and empty room.  She had a full day everyday yet  at the end of the day, no one to chat with how her day had been.  Yes, she has her son but he is having his own life to live now out of country.  Now that she is celebrating her 60th birthday, she is actually celebrating it alone.  Few out of her 11 brothers and sisters had called to greet her on her very special day.  Even her mom was not able to greet her but probably due to old age.  Our heart made an attempt to sink at the bottom seeing her cry like that.  Full of regret with what her life might have been if she had take a rest to pursue her dreams and just build her very own family to bring home.  She is actually celebrating it with us her students, her co-faculties, with the school.  Seeing this how our little scheme made her day so heartwarming one.  It could really mean so little to us but meant her reflection to what her whole life had been. :(

He makes me smile ...


but I like the total opposite.


Will i give it a try?



==============

Hard to open up this to a 'normal' friend.  They couldn't like understand what the feeling is.  They'll keep pushing you to their path.  Could mean good for you, but would it do better with your heart?

Maybe another reason I wouldn't want this 'he' to be a friend is that I don't want him to fall for me because I know I may not fall for him -- unless I permit myself to try to.

Give me signs what should I do.  Its like choosing for a new look for your hair.  Would you go for the usual long straight ones or be happy with a bouncy soft curls ?? :) Mmm, I'm a bit on the latter's side. 

Leaving

As pres Aquino was making his SONA this monday, we were on class. (yeah he didn't suspend classes for his SoNA) In our accounting class, our professor Dra. Aquino kidded that she would also make her sona to start the class. Little we know that it would be her last talk to us. She told us that she is transferring us to a new professor due to I think some lessening of burden of load. She is actually the dean of the Accounting department (so much for her young appearance), handling graduate subjects and might even some doctorate. Pretty busy person. She enlighten us that the new one was her mentor and way better than she is. I was kinda sadden there, I would really miss seeing her. Her smile, her jokes, the way she talks, her diction and twang :) her cute gestures. :) I really have a crush on her. (just a crush :) aww she makes me smile) Even for the unwanted hour of the schedule, I am eager to go to class and learn alot (I'm sitting in front face to face with her haha). I am actully making her an inspiration. :) The subject is supposed to be a difficult one but she made it easy although were kinda getting late with the topics. She seems enjoying the teaching and like playing her diction.

Then there off she goes. Bye Dra. Aquino. I'll really miss you teaching in front with your twang. :) The presidential surnames were ommitted. Got an Arroy classmate in another subject (he is their pres too, wonder if his term would end this year haha), an Obana (or Ubana?lol) from the same class, surname sounds like pres Obama of US 


Losing tracks

I am losing it. Pfft. I'm losing the people around me. Or maybe I just picked the wrong trail to follow. I should have stayed with the previous one. I missed my old friends, my DL friends, and one guy friend who were always there for me til that shit happened. I would want to share it to my bes (or is she) but then naah just drop it. She wouldn't care.

My baby Dulce

just wanted to post you my baby :) thank you for the years you've been with me. You are a brat yet so smart haha!.

Medical bill course hunting now begins

I am surfing the net for online Medical Billing course, one which I will need when I worked in the US especially in my Aunt's home health business. Whew, there are lots of it actually.  Good thing I saw some site telling how would a legal and good med billing school should be.  The terms looked factual for me :).  Kept in notes their suggestions as I was googling for online schools.  Found very few and had few queries via email.  It would normally cost me around $600 or around Php 30,000 for the course.  A bit expensive. I just hope it will be worth it.  My aunt previously described to me in details how the work of medical biller is and I found it quite something that I'll like :) one of the reason I am eager to pursue it :)

preparing and mixing ingredients in life :))

happy ... just hope its worth the sacrifices.

i am continuously seeking for who i really am. :)

Traffic Light

A very inspiring clip.  I'm trying to manage to get to the yellow light. Actually started my realization for it earlier this day.  I will keep this video.  It wouldn't hurt if I take a glimpse of it with every time the world is turning its back on me. 




======================
i heard the lizards making their sounds for this past few nights.  Loud and clear.  Could mean a blessing coming.  Just saw my license for Illinois earlier this eve.  But I just heard another lizard just now.  Weee what could it be.  I am hoping what I have been hoping before. Hope this will be it. :)) puhleeaase.. tia haha!

Proud to say got my license for being an Illinois nurse. :)
Moving on to the next step! Completion of Visascreen.
Finally and hopefully, this will be for real.  I will be petitioned for US for the 2nd time as a nurse.
Keeping my hopes up.
My plan for my life is taking big steps at a time, though the time frame had been a bit different than was expected.  Still, happy these are being now accomplished! :)


Thank you God. I am counting the blessings you give me everyday, mostly the little ones. :)

Because with those I appreciate my life more :)





===============================
thinking when will i be able to fill up my R group sales.  Patience is indeed a virtue.
It is not about the profit, but how you relate for the people involve :)

Cruel intentions

As i want you out of my life.

I would not be able to do that if there are still pieces of you with me.

Letting you go might have been difficult.

I made a reflection to free the clutter, and then realized one thing.

Little by little I'm starting, throwing away whats unnecessary.

I will keep it in a tiny little box and name it not to open forever.

I just started to realize, this little pieces of you makes me hard, making us inseparable in my own petty way.

Now i have known, now i have began.

Little by little you are nowhere,

little by little you'll be unknown,

little by little the day is seen.

Why did i ever said yes to that opportunity,

when it will make a thing in me buried consciously. 

This is with me now, lets face it professionally.

Plural

this is for you plural :)

just wanna say thank you.
for still keeping in touch,
for still talking to me,
for still being a friend,
for telling me you really appreciate all the small things i did for you,
for appreciating all the advises i gave and suggested to you,
for being thankful and noticing that i am boosting your confidence when all you see is you're down :)

thank you for still reading my blog :)
maybe you're the only one whose ever reading this. my crappy little lair :)

can i say i missed you uber :) i missed how the way we made kulitan.
thank you for believing in me eventhough sometimes i might not believe in myself hehe

keep in touch

hope you post a comment here, so i'll know u've read this.




==============
hoping for a good right group sales nextweek

really pays off to be online on FB sometimes, you got to talk to me :) haha!
i really want to invite you in my biz thingy but i'm afraid you will reject me... it might hurt if it will be coming from you.

lines with crush:


ME: A*** still online? got a favor to ask :)
      pa-like naman photo ng pmangkin ko sa moose gear. pa-like muna pala 
      ng moose gear page para malike mo the photo itself. :) ........


A***:  waw! pwde bakong sumali? haha!


ME: hahaha ... bsta ba naka moose gear ka eh haha! papromote nmn sa                wall mo :)
     pag sali ka ila-like din kita haha. :)

 

 

 ===============

haha takte parang high school lng. if only its cool to tell u :) 

If I see La Magra on a wall, will it happen just like I want it?

Smile for something you have a vision with.

Even if it's killing you inside bit by bit.

You might not know, it can also change you bit by bit.  Just be sure its on the better side.








====================
got rejected from something this day.  you really won't know the real feeling unless you're there feeling it.

Oh, crush you made my day. Posting a so natural pose while on traffic :). If only I could tell you I like you. It would make my smile visible for hours! (or days?) Hope you keep that primary pic for days :) Really made my day, I am so down just before now :)


clue:  starts with A. :) and its hopeless.

Discrimination

I attended my class in Taxation for the first time last Saturday.  It was good seeing a familiar face for a professor, although he hadn't been really my professor before, I barely know his name but I have been seeing him at the faculty and along the business administration building premises. He was so accommodating.  He even chatted with us for a while, and me asking about my previous course.  He also came up with having a classmate in graduate school, Dr. Magno, a president of something on HSI and he was blabbing about something about him that I completely forgotten already (not an important thing).

He started the class asking about discrimination.  Few students answered including myself.  Well, I distinguished the word from prejudice and got a nice credit for it :).  He then started taking examples of how people are being discriminated.  Along came the gender, were he sampled being gay and lesbian is still like coming out of a nutshell and still doesn't fit in every community.  He also stated how gender issues affect work relations.  One example according to him is how lesbians are being not accepted for a saleslady work just by mere imagining how one would look like with makeup and a high heeled uniform, that he personally wouldn't want to see one in it.  See that's basically a discrimination although it is only for the sake of talking about the topic.  One probably good thing here is that no one in class is an obvious out of the two classic gender.  No obvious gays nor lesbians, maybe some discreet.  But at least no one, because it would have those awkward moments a professor explaining what he believe in front of a living example.  It somehow made me uncomfortable considering I am just few distance away from him and he keeps constant glances to us.  He was like seeking for my approval, what he did not know that I do belong to what he is indirectly criticizing. I sensed then here that it is really hard to stand for what you are.  If you want peace for yourself, you could be queer about who you are but would not be totally happy with it.

I then also realize that do I really prefer femmes over butches? Why is it because I could keep my discreet identity over those onlookers with wary eyes like reading your whole lifestory with basically what they see on you for just a few seconds? Do I sense that I also do any prejudism here. I reflected on this.  Yes I would do prefer a girl like me over someone who pretends to be a guy.  First, because one reason I like girls is because they are girls and not one pretending to be the other species.  Well I guess that will utterly make me a lesbian.  Second, I want someone who will share things with me and smile at me with her feminine acts.  Honestly I had a couple of past relationships with butches.  I don't personally know why but most obvious reason is I fell in love with them.  I would not engage in a relationship if I am not sure of the person.  I usually do check her first (being a detective here haha) to make sure that I'm into her.  It just happens that they are actually Bs.  I just widened my preferences.  You wouldn't really know who you'll love.  Lets just say for now, I'm crossing out the Bs on the list.  Give chance for exclusive girls! :)


Coming out and being proud -- this is what the LQBT is doing right now.  There is Love and Pride parades in different parts of the world exercising gay rights.  This is totally uncool for me.  I personally wouldn't want to be in that parade nor mingle with them.  I know for sure that I will feel awkward.  I am not ready -- yet.  I still want to mingle with the usual people and just few of my kind. 


In the future, though not sure if it'll be near or soon, I will still opt to wish that there will be fair treatment with all people here.  I know that wouldn't really exactly happen because it will still depend on what the situation calls.  Yet, it will be cool to feel you are yourself acting in normal wherever you will go.  No pretentions. :)

==================

fingers crossed. hope my cousin will be on my right group sales. please let it be God. thank you :)

Got this from a wallpost in FB:

"Don't tell people your problems.  80% don't care, and the other 20% are glad you have them."

Could be true. :) But then, who will you tell your problems then?  I might have lived with that as before, one reason is I just write my problems and heartaches when I've got no one to talk to.  In time, I learn to place solutions with it because I can check on it and my mind does being autopilot and answers sometimes just popped out of nowhere :)  Guess, this makes sense to me haha.

Stardust

I am watching another movie, one of those unusual type of movie that I prefer :)  Just as I am watching this that I have discovered it is actually a romantic one.  haha. It was just recommended to me by a guy friend, and I would have mistakenly thought that he might be referring to a different movie haha because this one is a romantic movie and obviously out of his league.  But then, maybe then, this is really it. :)  

Stardust 

There is nothing more beautiful and beyond love.  It is unconditional, but it can also be unpredictable, unbearable, unexpected and  uncontrollable.  Love can be the only reason you can live despite the trials, weakness and failures you meet everyday.  Love can also be a reason why you continue to struggle in your present even though you want to stay in your past.  When you love someone, it is always asking for nothing.  Not any gifts, material things nor celestial products, but just for the mere fact that that someone to love you too.  There is nothing more warmth to leave your lips and give off those sweetest words when saying, "I love you."  There is nothing more to wish for seeing the facade of the person you love smile backed at you and caused your world to stop even just for a few seconds.  There is nothing more holding that person's hands and knowing that there will be a squeeze of excitement enveloped with it.

The story evolved to an unexpected love just wandering around the corner.  Yes, as the main character had said that love can be unpredictable, you'll never know who your heart will beat for.  People who you might not think might be the one really for you.  Open your heart and not your eyes to see who the person really is.  If you love a person just because of physical features, beauty fades and so does your love.  Open the eyes of your heart to see the person inside, let it feel the glowing light whenever you are with the person.  If only we could be stars, glowing when we are happy, gloomy when we are sad. 

======================

Looking forward to meet you soon. I can see a your smile - makes me smile back.  Blurry but it will be clear in time soon. :)

i feel this ...

































empty.

got an interesting statement ... not sure if its an insult or a compliment for a person who relates. :)

Usually,

the person with 

more smiles is ...

... is the same person 

with more 

heartahces

===================

I am at starting all over again.  Starting from scratch.  Building a soon to be foundation.  Will I be able to finish my product.  I'm not sure.  I know I'll do this again more times. I guess that really what life is.  Continued search for who you really are and the people you want in it.

**heard the song that was played in one of the most happiest moment in my life -- could make me cry for the memories. :) an unforgettable valentine. Good thing it is with the happy memoirs of my life :) made me smile.

===================

got to read my law book. its 64pages and need to memorize some pages. ugghhh the boring thingy.

but still, i know i will do everything to pass this. haven't known a single soul personally that passed this once. haist. my seatmate is taking this 2nd time. and a friend took it 3times. lets see after this sem. >hopeful<

Movie watch

Eclipse is getting near on cinemas.  I'm still asking.  Would someone ask me to watch it with. :) Got no one on detail who to watch it with. A friend who previously asked me will obviously won't be watching it with me anymore because she happens to be back with her girlfriend again, so she's erased from the list.  Wanna watch it on the movie house.  The second book, New Moon, I've watched it with two dear DL friends.  The one I could count on with impulsive events.  After that, got drank but still managed to get home safe :)  But then, we're having a bit different paths to walk now.  I just can't ask them again to watch a movie with me haha! :)

==================

BOM done to a totally stranger. Common thing with us -- same school.  Feeling awkward on how to gain her trust but yet good in the sense I somehow gained an acquaintance that hopefully will be a friend. :)

Comedy in school

Bloopers for the week ... again :)

We were a minute late for our first subject this day.  We are going there for the first time because I was at the hospital last time.  So off we entered the room.  Curious eyes were laid following us as we both walk up (its like a mini auditorium were the seats were in stair-like flatforms) toward the opposite end for vacant chairs.  As we sat, we noticed the professor were talking about science, ecology, microbio ... and duh what was he talking about?? were supposed to be in business class.  Then it struck us. My sister checked the reg form and viola! We're in the wrong class! hahaha ... it was like so hot that time.  Our class is held in different room during mondays and wednesdays.  We've went to the Monday room but its actually Wednesday.  That's why they are staring at us.  I guess they are a block section that is full and no way new students would be in. hahaha... we quietly again creep at the back and hurriedly exited the room. whew. So much for 1st day and now we're so late for our REAL class. haha.

Choose in between

If I were to choose between the one I love or the one who loves me.  Obviously it would be the former.  But then if I am loving the wrong person, then I cannot choose on either.  Better to be on singlehood than hurting myself beyond my limit. :) 

Being in a relationship is really much better because you can have both worlds -- being in love and loved in return.  But then, it should end there, you cannot be in it when you'll just want comfort and security.  The opposite person will just be an assurance that you have someone on your side but never should be one  in front.

====================

classes tomorrow. now im starting to hate school. haist. but lets see tom, when i see my new soon-to-be-fave prof ... Dra Aquino, my accounting professor :)

I soo love Dr. House

I am watching Dr. House when I am not doing anything or just before sleeping.  Funny how it is somehow connected with L word. haha. There is one episode that Dr. House mentioned he is watching L word but on mute.  Then the recent episode I watched, there was Robin (in L word), she, as Emma, was pregnant here though the biological father is gay, she just got him as a sperm donor.  Connections connections. :)

==========

started downloading good movies. i think ill be back with doing movie critics ... :) just missed it.

Got a nice chat with a dear friend.

Thank you for keeping me busy just before this :) am sick but atleast you made me smile and laugh.
I am hoping too for that getaway to happen soon! my A and M friends :)

Thanks for the advice. Just needed someone to assure me of what right things I should do. Anyways, I'll keep those in mind.  Got a bright future ahead :)



==================
gotta learn to cut my own hair haha!

Never string a girl along. Sooner or later, her hands get raw from holding on and she’s forced to let go.


I like this :)

Pain is worth having.

A frequent quote forwarder passed this (ang sipag super)
I liked it alot. :)

Isn't it nice to find someone who will turn your heartaches into smile.
Someone who will rebuild your world better than before.
Someone who is worth loving.
Someone who can be yours.
and lastly, someone whom you can say,

"If having you is waiting and waiting is pain, then pain is worth having."


==================
i just hope i won't have to wait long for it. kinda impatient din :)
i wish mag morning na so then i have slept na, feel so sick pero i can't sleep. damn!

Happy Father's Day

happy father's day papa.
just want to tell you that and i'm lonely down here. :(
i feel so sick today. got fever and my head hurts. got a tummy ache too. acidity strikes back.

i just want to bring back, when i was little you used to make yummy soup for me when i dont feel good and tell me you love me when i dont feel happy. i just missed it.

i wish i'm just a kid not worrying anything but toys. :(


===
:( i dont know if ill be able to go to school tomorrow. i just want to sleep forever. not to feel pain ...

A pen and a paper

The last thing I want to have with in my deathbed is a paper and pencil.  So I can draw and sketch the angels in front of me.  Their faces would matter.  It would drew a smile across my face and say the words ... "I'm  ready lets go ..."

Etch-A-Sketch

My life would be so complete if I'll have a day sketching portrays, enjoying every seconds of it.  A simple dream yet fulfilling the inside of me.  I wonder.  Will sitting under a shade sketching every beauty you see would be as enticing as I perceive it? mmmm .... I feel elated. Help me thru it.

I have sketched a beauty. Though the subject looked better on my paper.  I have seen a charcoal based portray and sketched it with a plain pen.  I would have loved it better if I'll have the real tools. But oh well, guess I wasn't made for it. 

 

===============

the title reminds me of a childhood toy.  my very own etch a sketch where i could make pictures of a house or scenery made of just combining lines through the gadget. its cool actually :)

How soon will it be?
For me to freely say,

"I still love you even we are fighting and you make me feel sad."



==================
hoping for future invites for my right group sales. :)

I just wonder if I am not trap with this.  I would be happy -- unconditionally.  But then, an imbalance of life.  So might as well deal with it.  In time, I will overcome it.  I hope so. 






==================
i missed talking to pillow.one who really listens to my whinings :)

My heart beats who ...

I am in between again.  Much like just jobs but in this sense -- its my heart's work.  A past commitment ended and I'm now floating around although not looking for a new one.  Can I just ask you my heart? Do you really want to have short ones and not those long lasting like my mind intended to?  The answer could not be on both.  There are thousands of statements to be spoken to give light to this query.  Either way, I still took part of the sad ending.  One should be on constant monitoring and not just gain assurance for a lasting relationship.  There are two parties committing for one reason -- to love unconditionally.  Would that include loving even there is absence?  I'm in abyss with this, I for sure don't know what to answer -- or I just deny the experience.  I have learned again from this recent experience.  Just as I am still looking for who I really am in this whole life and just as I will still look for it through these years -- the essence why we still goes on with our life, we search continuously for who we really want us to be.  

When will it be? That I will looking forward to the day when I will meet you.  Unknowingly or even intentionally.  The person that I will share my remaining life with.  The one who will make me happy, lift me up when I'm down and comfort me when all I want to do is cry.  I don't care who you are but as long as I know that I will love you wholeheartedly I know I will give it all.  I know I will be ready to compromise something, to bargain a lot of things and to fight with lots of arguments.  Don't worry, I am the kind  that would opt to be submissive to my special someone when I know it would be better for both of us.  Just don't push me to my limits because we know you won't like it.  

 I can say I am again not ready for a new one.  History is at present.  I don't want to spoil the future.  Give me time to bring back the norm for myself and I will be open to accept someone new again.

A professor asked what does quality means, I dumbfoundedly raised a hand and answered the question.  It is a set of standard made to justify a certain aspect.  He liked it, so much for my first day and I hope it will continue with the every meeting we'll have.  :)  Now let's relate it to me.  Personally, I am not setting qualities for my special someone.  I see the person through her heart.  How that would relate to me, her very own character and how she deals with life and me.  Because if I'll set standards then I will have expectations from her that if will not be met then problems will start.  I will see her imperfections then.  One golden rule for a lasting relationship is mind yet love those little imperfections for those make the person perfect in your eyes.

Honestly, I like it better when I am with someone.  It gives me happiness to ask someone if she loves me. :) I feel better when I make someone smile with my natural clumsiness.  But then there are just some things that cannot be patched up whatever you do.  You just have to go on to the next day to keep yourself still.  When a relationship ends, I just want that somehow I have touched her life on the positive side and lift her up to a brighter future even indirectly.  As for me, I know I will on the brighter side.  I expect to see those experiences as a learning point to serve as a guide with my tomorrow :).  I am often a pessimist but I am glad I have people around that tells me the positive one, even if I somehow know that they don't really mean it, still it means something to me :).

======================
If loving you makes me happy ... then I wish my heart would be made of steel, so then to really keep me to be happy.

RN x 3!

I am officially and proud to say I am an RN.   First, as a Registered Nurse here in Philippines. Second, as a Registered Nurse in US (although it is still on process for visascreen).  Then the last, just recently I branched out and entered a field I am not sure of. I took risk on a field far from my expertise.  My waterloo -- talking in front of other people.  But then, for the sake of taking risk to improve myself and gaining financial freedom (yeah!) I've set a foot in it.  For the third, I am now a Registered Networker!

For the latter, I can see results within a short span of time.  I am on the side of being optimistic with this.  Hope this will gain fruitful results to look for.

I gained a friend back and I am so happy with it. Its like I'm back to my old life though differently.  Still, I feel floating with a smile. :)

Not Your Ordinary Personality Test

Instructions:
1. Open this website : http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
2. Take the Personality Quiz (it's VERY short and easy, really)
 :)

and I got this result.  Mm, words sounded liked me haha. 

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

That day is finally here

My hand haunt yours.  But the intention is pure warmth and none of the past I longed before. I may have cared less.  I may have the tongue that say not all good.  Don't you see it is still me.  I have changed as what is said to be constant with everything.  Or did I just really changed because yesterday led me to.  It may pinch your heart in an unsoothing way, but I can now really say ... your not my main character anymore. 

When times you feel ironic between my mind and heart.  Bear with what situation we are into.  I am still this old me, the least want is for you to be hurt.  With that, it doesn't mean being an item is the option.  I've accepted you in my script again to be just the very best supporting actress there is.  We have been with this chapter few times before.  Lets just say, I have met the limit with browsing it again.  I am the verge on moving to the next chapter with you not as the main character.  Well, could still be one of the main but we are seeing it in a different perspective.  I have seen again one thing -- you will not really change after all. 

I pity myself with what I've seen.  It had been so easy for you to get me out of the screen.  I envy your leading actress now you couldn't just piss her out with one snap.  It got me thinking though,  did you really loved me after all.  Funny, its like I am looking on a different love story - cannot feel any relevant emotions. 

That day I had hoped and longed before is finally here.  It didn't had any pretensions.  It is different from the previous ones before.  I know this time the feeling is right.  With the goal set in front of me, it will serve as my guide not to trip down again. 



=========
hoping that i will have lots of invites for bom. 

You cannot have it all -- at the same time

I am just having my true break now.  After all those grueling weeks of review and sort of gaining lack of confidence for the exam.

I missed bumming around. But this will be just for around two weeks from now.  Then I'll be back on real life.  Back to mixing the ingredients for my whole life pastry. :)

I just confirmed an old phrase.
You cannot really have all things in your hand.
But I am more looking for to this,
You can have it all, but just not on the same time.

When you're busy on one important thing, be aware.  You might regret taking another thing for granted.  I just did.  I don't know how to patch that up but whichever result will it gain, life must go on for me and eventually that chapter will close to open a new one.  I hope that the next will last longer -- if not longest.

I got my license but I lost my special someone.
Beats me.


===================
OT: taking the next step, again. but this is sure this time :) -- visascreen wootwoot.

USRN when again? Now!!

At last my prolonged agony ended with a big dot.  The one that cannot be erased!! :) I can now definitely say -- I have made it. I really got worried because I know in myself I am really prepared (i play petforest instead) but then, I still did made it.  weeee. A big thanks to you Lord.  Thanks a lot.

I just found it out this morning, when I am the one to check. I even covered my eyes after I hit submit.  Then a big smile really just came out.  I PASSED! I calmly called my sister just for her to check I really passed.  :) I am just so grateful because with this, many of my plans and processing will finally move on.  My IELTS will expire this year so I need this licensure to process my US papers.

Just as we are talking about me passing,AJ called.  I shared her the so oh good news. She is really delighted with it. She will be the one to process my application.  Thank you for St. Therese for helping my prayers be granted.

===================
:) dead tired. off to haven.

USRN when?

I feel like engaging into bungee jumping with this present situation.  You've prepared yourself, trusted your guts, placed your life on the ropes and the people securing you to it.  Many have succeed with their goals which is to conquer fears and feel the unrelenting joy, but one can never assure.  I may be reacting too much with this, I have a bit of assurance but still I will never know.  What if yes I am prepared and I know for myself that somehow I gave my best and I know I have my stand for gaining a favorable result with this licensure, but still it is out of my hand to know what is really my stand with it until the result is yet unseen. 

I am scared that I might have the not so good result.  I wouldn't know how will I take it.  Everything is laid in front of me.  The comfort for preparing my horses, the supportive and understanding people around me, the time to prepare, the materials to begin with, the tips for how to do it, and everything wonderful in stored with it was arranged for me unconditionally. 

This thing I really need to get is needed for me to move on with my next step.  With this, everything will be in place again after my previous attempts that failed.  I am crossing my fingers for a fruitful answer.  I am embracing the future that was already planned for me.  I will know the answer may be now, maybe later, maybe tomorrow.  With just few clicks, I will know how I am judged.  



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please give this to me this time.
there'll be two things that i will cry for. 
joy or disappointment.
i am hoping for the former.